


The Shattered Rose

by ladyshakespeare



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Wolf appears, Depression, F/M, Happy Ending, Kissing, Love, Love Confessions, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, POV First Person, Parallel Universes, Rape, Sex with Time Lord, TARDIS - Freeform, Technically major character death, The Doctor Loves Rose Tyler, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:07:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 32,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22562248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyshakespeare/pseuds/ladyshakespeare
Summary: Rose Tyler never recovered from Bad Wolf Bay. She has tried moving on, convincing herself that she wasn't good enough for the Doctor. Her world is completely shattered one night after being date raped. She goes through the motions, but it's clear she's gone. What will happen when the Doctor returns? Triggered warning: rape.
Relationships: Eleventh Doctor/Rose Tyler, Martha Jones/Mickey Smith, Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Comments: 18
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This story is going to have a lot of angst with it. Here is a full description: Rose Tyler never recovered from Bad Wolf Bay. She has tried moving on, convincing herself that she wasn't good enough for the Doctor. Her world is completely shattered one night after being date raped. She goes through the motions, but it's clear she's gone. What will happen when the Doctor returns? Warning: Doctor goes dark and willingly kills a man. Triggered warning: rape.

The date was not going well. Of course, NO date went well anymore. They weren't _him._ The Doctor. He had thoroughly destroyed me of all other men. Whether he had planned that or not, I couldn't stop comparing them. And he always won out.

Warm brown eyes popped into my head, sparkling and full of life. I shook my head to clear it.

_I'll never be free of him._

I'll admit, some of the men had qualities I would have liked to see in the Doctor. They at least talk about their feelings. Hell, I had one ask me to marry him after he saw me in a coffee shop. He was cute. But knowing he liked honey in his coffee was a turn off. The Doctor only drinks it black.

That's the only way I drink it now, too.

I was resigned to spend _another_ night going home early and just binging on Netflix. But that was okay with me.

Sean turned to me as he pulled up in front of the house. "I hate to ask this, but I had too much water at the restaurant. May I please bother you to use your bathroom?"

"Sure, no bother."

We walked to the door and I stopped. I thought I heard a distant "Rose" but when I glanced behind me, there was nothing.

_Five years later and I still pine for him. I'm pathetic._

Flipping the light on, I pointed down the hall to the bathroom. As Sean went that way, I walked into the kitchen and put tea on.

Sean was nice. He was a computer programmer. Worked part time in his father's shop on weekends too. He had a track record when it came to dating and I was sure he would put the moves on me.

_Unlike those other women who can't "resist" him, I will be able to politely send him on his way._

He was cute. He had brown hair and brown eyes (they all did). His hair wasn't nearly as nice as the Doctor's. I didn't get the urge to run my fingers through it as I did with him. Sean wasn't as thin either, but he wasn't overweight. He had told me he could bench press 200. Whoopee.

Footsteps approached. I smiled and passed him a cuppa.

"Thanks," he said with a smile.

I smiled back, but it didn't reach my eyes. I turned and looked out the window at the stars.

_I wonder where he is now?_

I really need to stop. A shooting star passed by the window and for a second, I wished it was the TARDIS.

We drank our tea in silence while listening to the neighbor's dog bark. I chuckled.

"What?" Sean asked, amused.

I shook my head. "That dog barks at a leaf."

He laughed. "Mean leaf."

I laughed too and put my cup in the sink. "Should be grounded."

Following me to the door, he asked for a tour. I sighed.

"Not tonight, Sean."

He smiled. "Okay." Then he leaned in for a kiss.

_Why must guys always think I want to kiss them? There's only one man I have any desire to kiss._

I turned my head so he got my cheek. He smiled against it.

"Vixen, aren't you?" he asked. He brought his hand up and turned my head so I was facing him. His eyes grew dark.

My blood began to run cold.

"W-what do you mean?" I asked, trembling.

His hand tightened on my jaw as he pulled me to him. "You blondes are all teases. You clearly ignore a guy's hints and leave us blue balled." He pressed me against the wall with his body, hard. I swallowed.

"I think you should leave."

"Oh I'm not going anywhere."

Kneeing him in the groin, he crumpled. I yanked the door open and faced him.

"Leave. Now."

I was clearly shaking.

He stood up and grabbed the door out of my hands, slamming it. Bench press 200. He had knocked me off balance. Then he grabbed me and pulled me to him.

"Stop resisting, slut."

I began pulling against him, punching him in the chest. He forced his lips on me, holding my head in place. He yanked on my hair, hard. So hard I almost saw stars.

"I bet you're wet."

_What the hell?!_

I used all my might to struggle against him. He was strong. He started walking me back into the living room, his grip on me painful.

"Blondes always tease guys because they know they can. You're all sluts." He grabbed my left breast, squeezing painfully. "I bet you're tight."

I managed to bite his lip and he made a noise.

"You will pay for that, bitch!"

Then everything went black.

* * *

I was aware of a weight on me when I came to. I opened my eyes, feeling the headache.

I focused on Sean's face, directly in front of me.

"About time you came to, slut."

I felt his cock push inside me, roughly. I screamed out.

He covered my mouth.

"You want to live, stay quiet" he hissed. He began thrusting in and out, hard.

I bit his finger. He smacked me.

Tears sprang to my eyes. I pulled my arms free and began clawing at his skin, leaving scratches along the side of his face. He thrust harder.

"Come on babe. The more you resist, the harder." Thrust. "I'm going." Thrust. "To go." He grinned at me wickedly. "Just enjoy it. You know you want to. You know you want this as much as I do."

My whole world had just crumbled down.

"So fucking tight," he said as he slammed into me again.

_What clues did I give him that made him think I wanted this?_

I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that this would be over soon. But Sean had no intention of stopping as he increased the thrusting. I felt a tearing at my entrance as it became more frantic.

"Blondes DO have more fun," he snarled. "And baby, you are probably the best lay I've had in years."

I continued to struggle but it was no use. I hoped beyond hope that someone would come in and help me, but I knew it was futile. Mum and Pete were on a weekend away. Tony was at a sleepover. There was no one.

_Not even HIM._

Forcing my leg to bend at the knee so he would have deeper access, he increased his speed even more as he began climaxing. I continued to cry and struggle, to no avail. I didn't even know why I struggled. I should have just laid there and let him have his way with me. Tears continued to fall.

I was giving up. I just thanked god that my birth control was still in place. Not that I needed it.

My brain flashed on the Doctor. On happier times. As I was violated, I recalled his smile. His laughter. The way his hand felt when holding mine. How he wrapped his arms around my waist and would stare into my eyes. How he loved brushing hairs out of my face. How I always felt safe in his embrace. I wished he had been here, so he could have prevented this.

_He didn't want me._

A new set of tears began rolling down my check with that thought. I mentally checked out of the rape and only focused on my time in the sky, with him. When I was happy.

Sean jerked a few times and stilled. He removed his hand from my mouth as he placed his lips on mine, roughly. I did not kiss back.

"Like I said, best lay in years."

He hopped off me and stuck himself back into his pants. I curled into a ball on my side as he laughed.

"Thanks, blondie."

I heard his footsteps retreat and the front door slam. I stayed curled up on the floor as fresh tears began to fall.

_I hate this world._

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you so much for reading the first chapter. Rough, I know. This is basically part of her recovery. The Doctor is hinted at in her memory and such but he really won't appear to Rose until about chapter 10. And believe me, she doesn't let him off the hook easily!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who. If I did, Rose and the Doctor would be happily married right now.

I was numb after that. Completely numb. I couldn't move. My breathing became shallow. I wished for death. At some point, I blacked out on the floor, still curled into a ball.

Next thing I remember was Mickey crouching over me.

"NO!" I screamed and began smacking him on his shoulders.

"Rose, Rose, Rose," he said quietly. "It's me, Mickey." He looked at me. His eyes were sad. He took his jacket off and wrapped it around me.

"Mickey?" I said quietly. I cringed as his hands touched my shoulder, even though all he was doing was putting his jacket on me. I would always cringe now.

He nodded. Then he pulled me to him in a hug. I was numb so I didn't react. My skin crawled at the contact.

"I'm so sorry, Rose. So, so sorry."

Fresh tears sprang to my eyes and they overflowed. I had thought after five years of tears over the Doctor, I wouldn't have any more. I had grown stronger in his rejection, or so I thought. In the last year, I had only cried twice over him. The first at Christmas when I saw a brown coat in a store window that closely resembled his. The second was passing some roasted chestnuts in a shop. We had stopped for chestnuts once. He had fed me, gazing longingly (and a bit turned on, or so I thought) as my lips would touch the tip of his fingers. Once I thought I watched his brown eyes actually turn black. But I know now that isn't the case.

_I'm so pathetic._

Mickey hugged me to him, not saying anything. I could feel him drawing circles against my back. I listened to his breathing.

I don't know how long we stayed like that. Eventually though, he had to adjust as his legs were cramping. He stood, taking me with him.

"Let's get you to the hospital."

I tried to walk and my left leg bent under me. I was weak. It was then that I noticed the blood trickling down my legs. Mickey left my side for just a moment to grab a towel and then wrapped it around me and picked me up.

I hadn't realized I was naked from the waist down until then. At that point, I didn't care.

_Not like it's anything Mickey hasn't seen before._

And Mickey wasn't looking.

Setting me in his car, I had just enough brain power to fasten my seatbelt. Mickey climbed into the driver's side, on the phone.

"Yes, that's right. Rape kit needed ASAP. I'm bringing her to you now." He looked over at me. "It's Rose Tyler."

Leaning my head back on the seat, I closed my eyes. Sean was all over me. His face, his voice. His body. I could still hear his grunts as he thrusted into me. I could feel my skin ripping. His hands on my mouth. His smell of sweat and tea. Of pine as well.

Opening my eyes and looking down, I panicked.

"M-Mickey!"

He followed suit. "Shit!"

He reached into the back of his car and pulled out a towel. "Put this down there to stop the bleeding."

I did as instructed. "It had stopped, I think." I was becoming woozy.

_The movement probably tore it again._

Mickey shifted the car into drive and pulled out into traffic. He looked over at me.

"You've lost a lot of blood," he said stating the obvious.

I closed my eyes. I couldn't even answer him.

"Stay with me Rose."

Everything was becoming fuzzy. My ears were ringing. I could hear Mickey talking, but it was so far away.

The Doctor appeared behind my eyelids. He was smiling widely at me, as he so often did. He held out his hand.

" _Fancy a trip?"_

_I smiled. I would go anywhere with him. I wanted to. I loved him so much._

I forced all negative thoughts out of my head as I focused on him and only him while Mickey broke every speed law to get me to the hospital.

* * *

I came to in a strange bed. Hooked up to an IV and listening to the beeping of a monitor, I slowly tried sitting up.

Strong hands pushed me back down. Mickey came into focus.

"Stay back, Rose."

I shook my head. "What's going on?"

He sighed and took my hand. While I would normally pull it away, I was just happy for a friend's comfort.

"We almost lost you, Rose. You lost so much blood your vitals were critical. You've had three transfusions and another is scheduled for tomorrow. You've been out for two days."

_Two days!_

I shook my head again to clear the cobwebs. "Where are my parents?"

"On the way home." Mickey squeezed my hand. "The rape kit had Sean's DNA on it. You had to have reconstructive surgery due to how roughly he assaulted you." His eyes were hard. Mickey did not get angry easy. "He's been arrested and charged with rape."

I nodded. Didn't matter now. Everything I was, was gone.

A pretty black woman came in then. She smiled at Mickey.

"Hi Rose. I'm Doctor Jones. I'm so glad you're awake." She approached my right side. "I'm going to have to check vitals. How are you feeling?"

I shrugged. "Useless."

She sighed. Her eyes were sad. "You do know this is _not_ your fault, right?"

"I guess."

She looked at Mickey. After checking vitals, she said she would get me something to eat.

"She's nice," I commented after she left.

Mickey smiled.

"Mickey?" I asked with a knowing smile.

He shrugged and blushed a little. I chuckled. He gestured to the door. "Martha and I have been dating for two weeks."

I decided to tease him a bit.

"From a shop girl to a doctor? You traded up Smith," I said with a laugh.

He looked at me sternly. "I never thought of it like that."

I squeezed his hand, still in mine. "I know, I meant it as a joke. But you _did_ trade up. From the way she was looking at you, she might be the one. Completely enamored."

Mickey was silent for a while. I closed my eyes.

"What about you?" he asked.

"Huh?" I asked peeking at him with one eye.

"Do you think you traded up when you met the Doctor?"

_Don't go there, Mickey._

I sighed and closed my eye. "I always wanted more, you know that. He gave me a chance to see the stars. I am grateful for it."

"You still love him."

It wasn't a question.

Now I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to prevent further tears. I slowly removed my hand from his.

"Doesn't matter, does it?" I asked, wiping my eyes. "He didn't want me." I sniffled.

Mickey shook his head. "That wasn't it at all."

I shrugged. "Again, doesn't matter now. He's not here." I pushed some hair behind my ear.

He was quiet for a while. I had started to drift off when he spoke again.

"We're trying to find him."

My eyes flew open. I stared at him. "What?" I said quietly.

_I did not hear that._

"We've been trying to find him since day one, Rose. You know that. Just because you abandoned the search doesn't mean we did."

_Why?!_

"Because you love him and deserve to be happy."

I hadn't realized I had said that out loud.

"Mickey," I said. "Cease all operations at once. It doesn't matter now. It's been five years. He didn't want me. He promised he wouldn't leave me and he did. I've wasted too much of my 'short human life' trying to find him. He left me in this parallel world so he could go gallivanting across the stars. Probably with other blonde companions that he can actually relate to. Ones who aren't shop girls. Ones he will probably love." My voice cracked on that last word.

I wiped a tear away. Mickey looked sad.

"I was stupid. He never loved me, Mickey. I gave him everything I had. And now," I gestured to my current situation. "I'm done. I'm broken."

I reached over to my bedside table and took a Kleenex. I wiped my nose and face off.

"As far as I'm concerned, you guys put effort into saving a corpse. Because I'm dead inside, Mickey."

He shook his head. "It seems like that now, Rose, but you'll recover." He got up and adjusted my blankets. "You've always been strong."

I sniffed as another tear rolled down my cheek. "That was before, Mickey. Before he left me. Before he made me feel like I wasn't enough. Before I was raped. Before. This rose has finally shattered."

I closed my eyes, silently telling him the conversation was over so I could sleep.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, as always, for reading. Feel free to review. If you have any thoughts on how the Doctor can redeem himself in Rose's eyes, let me know!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who. If I did, Ten and Rose would have lived happily ever after.

A cart crashing in the hallway jerked me awake. I was enveloped in darkness, so I figured it must be about midnight. There was moon glow from the window, marking a patch on the floor.

I heard hushed voices outside as things were being picked up and put back on the cart. The door to my room opened slightly and a nurse popped her head in, seeing if I was awake.

I smiled as though she could see me.

The door shut and my eyes turned to the window. I froze.

There was a man there.

I swear I saw a silhouette. One of a tall man, wearing a long coat with messed up hair. He didn't say anything. He was in shadow, conveniently hidden from the moon.

I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry.

_He's not here._

Squeezing my eyes shut, I took a deep breath. When I opened them again, the silhouette had not moved. Nor had it said anything. It just continued to stare out the window.

"Doctor?" I said quietly. Nothing.

_If it was him, he would have said something. But why in the hell would he be here? Why would he even care?_

"Who are you?" I asked, voice above a whisper.

No answer.

This was starting to creep me out. I rubbed my eyes to clear the fogginess from it.

He was still there. Still not moving.

I was scared now. I knew I couldn't run or even go very far, and my brain wasn't working. I pushed the call button for the nurse.

"Doctor, is that you?" This time I was a little sterner in my question.

Slight movement, as though his head turned. As though he was looking at me. Through me. I covered myself with my blanket.

The door opened and the light flipped on, illuminating the room. Nothing was by the window.

"You okay, Rose?" Dr. Jones asked me. I continued to stare at the window.

"Rose?"

I slowly turned to face her. Concern was on her face. I smiled softly.

"Yes, sorry. I guess I just got freaked out being here. Strange environment and all."

She moved from the door and came up to me.

"That happens more than you know." Her eyes were kind.

_I'm glad she found Mickey._

"So you and Mickey?" I asked. She started.

Smiling with my tongue sticking out, I went on. "Yes, I know. He told me before, when he was here."

She blushed and looked down, brushing lint off of my blanket.

"Well, yeah."

_She's adorable._

"He's told me about you."

I froze. I did not like where this was going.

"What has he said?" I asked, faking friendliness.

She shrugged and adjusted my pillows. "That you two dated but weren't compatible. That you left him for another man. A traveler. One who often goes to the stars." She stepped back with a dreamy look on her face. "Personally, I would love to do that."

Pain gripped my heart as she talked. "Yes, it was fun" I replied quietly.

She pulled up a chair and sat down. "He said that he left you behind even after you returned to him." She looked at me. "I am so sorry he treated you that way."

I shrugged, forcing the tears down. "Thank you."

She smiled. "But I do thank you. For breaking up with Mickey. I am so glad I got to meet him."

We continued our small talk for a while, her in no hurry to leave and myself in no hurry to fall back to sleep. I would dream of _him_ if I did and that was the last thing I wanted.

After a few minutes, she checked her watch. "I should get going. My shift is done at three. Mickey promised to make me breakfast in the morning, after I get up." She smiled and looked at me again. "I can be quite a sleeper."

I laughed. "Me too."

She took my left hand and squeezed it. "Thank you for being so kind. When you're out of the hospital, I hope we can be friends."

I nodded. She left, flipping off the light.

I sighed as I tried to shut my brain off so I could sleep. I glanced back to the window.

Nothing.

_Thank goodness._

With that, I closed my eyes and willed sleep to come.

* * *

" _Is that the best you can do?" I said teasingly._

" _Oi! I'll have you know that cooking the perfect egg is not that easy, Rose Tyler. Not when you DON'T want to break them."_

_I laughed. "Maybe there are just some things you're not good at."_

_The TARDIS hummed in agreement._

" _Stop taking her side!" he exclaimed. My laughter grew._

_Accomplishing his "perfect egg," he plated it and put the pan in the sink. I hopped up on the counter._

" _Now what about you? What are you having?"_

_I shrugged. "Not that hungry."_

_He gently took my wrist and wrapped two fingers around it. "You've lost weight."_

_I tried, I really tried, to ignore the sensations floating up my arm as he continued to hold my wrist. His thumb began stroking it gently._

" _So what if I have?"_

_He shook his head. "You know you don't need to, right?" I like you just the way you are."_

_He stopped his movements but didn't release my wrist. In fact, his grip grew stronger._

_I glanced down at it and then back up at him. His eyes has darkened._

_When did he get closer?_

" _I-I…." I had trouble forming words._

_He brought his right hand up to move some hair that had fallen out. It lingered there._

" _I don't tell you enough how beautiful you are, Rose." His voice had dropped an octave._

_I swallowed._

_The right hand moved to cup my cheek. His cool touch felt incredible on my now hot skin._

" _You really and truly are," he whispered. "The most beautiful thing I've seen in all the universes."_

_I melted into a puddle right there._

_I glanced down again, trying to form words. When I raised my eyes, he was only a few centimeters away. I licked my lips in reflex. His eyes, now a shade of black, flickered to them. I saw him warring with himself._

_Then his eyes snapped to mine, decision made. His right hand's grip increased just slightly as he pulled me the short distance to him. He was so close I could feel his breath on me…._

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

I jerked awake at the alarm. I had really knocked out. I banged it to shut it off, then laid back and closed my eyes again.

_That felt so real._

Like I had really had that conversation with the Doctor. Like he was really getting ready to kiss me, or even more. He seemed like he WANTED to, but then he dumped me in this parallel world without so much as a goodbye.

Opening my eyes again at the sound of the breakfast cart being wheeled in, I sat up and straightened myself. The nurse smiled at me.

"How are you feeling, dearie?"

I smiled at her term of affection. "As well as I can, considering."

She nodded and placed a plate in front of me. Eggs. I stared at it.

_Irony is a bitch._

"Enjoy," she said after putting the rest of the food in front of me.

I picked up my fork and dug in, not realizing until then just how hungry I was. I ate the entire plate, not caring that it tasted like cardboard. Then I pushed my tray away and turned to look out the window. A bird flew by. The leaves blew in the breeze.

_It's going to be a hot day._

I was leaving today. I couldn't wait to get out of here. I wanted to go sleep in my bed for about a month.

I knew I would have to pick up the pieces and move on, but I meant what I said to Mickey that I was shattered. Broken. I didn't think anything could be worse than what the Doctor did to me, but I was proven wrong.

_At least he never did that to you._

No, that he didn't. With how touchy-feely he was sometimes, I was surprised when he would pull back. But I chalked up his touches to his alienness. They probably were like that on Gallifrey.

_Hands on waist, pulling you impossibly closer. Finding any excuse to touch you. Hugs that lingered a little TOO long._

But never a kiss, sadly.

I reflected on the kiss we shared when Lady Cassandra had possessed my body. Although I had wanted to kiss him, I was also mortified. What if he hadn't found out about Cassandra? He would have taken me home or worse, dropped me off on some alien planet.

Strange thing is, he didn't seem to resist. I mean, he _could_ have pulled away as soon as she started. He believed it was me right then anyway. She was the one who actually pulled away from _him_. Maybe he was just being polite or maybe it was a reflex. Who knows?

But no matter how many times I wanted it to happen again, it never did.

A cloud passed by, looking like the shape of a cat.

There was a knock on my door and mum came barreling in.

"Oh my god, Rose! How are you? What did the doctor say?"

I rolled my eyes. I told mum everything I knew, watching her grow angrier by the second.

"Don't worry, love. We got him. He's in jail and Pete is talking to his lawyer. We are going to nail his arse."

_Doesn't really matter now._

I shrugged. She looked at me and then pulled me into a hug.

"We'll get through this. I know it's going to be difficult for you but you've got me. I love you, my baby girl. You're not alone."

I hugged her tightly, appreciating the contact. Fresh tears sprang to my eyes. She pulled back and wiped them from my eyes.

"You take whatever time you need. This will not be easy. But I promise, we are all here for you and will help you through it."

I nodded. I was already planning an escape.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An escape, huh? What do you think that entails? Also, if you have any ideas of how the Doctor can grovel to Rose when he's back, I'd like to hear them. I probably won't be posting for the next few days; I am helping my brother out at a con this weekend and won't have time to write. But I'm all the way to chapter 9 with this story. Don't know how long it's gonna be yet; the Doctor needs to redeem himself and yes, there will be some loving between the two of them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who. If I did, Rose Tyler would be a goddess by now.

" _The one adventure I can never have."_

_My weeping increased. There was a cold wind that blew across the beach but I couldn't feel it. All I felt was heartbreak._

" _Am I ever gonna see you again?" I asked with as much hope as I could muster._

_His eyes were sad._

" _You can't."_

" _What are you gonna do?" My voice squeaked a bit but I didn't care._

_He glanced up for a second. "Oh I've got the TARDIS. Same old life, last of the Time Lords." He gave me a small smile._

" _On your own?"_

_He nodded._

_Then this was really and truly it. He promised he wouldn't leave me and now he is._

" _I…" I trailed off. It didn't matter now. I was already trapped on another planet. I was never going to see him again. He had to know._

" _I love you."_

_He smiled slightly. "Quite right, too."_

_Okay, at least it wasn't a rejection. Not the best answer, but better than "are you crazy?"_

" _And I suppose…if it's my last chance to say it…." His voice broke slightly. Tears continued to fall down my cheek._

" _Rose Tyler-"_

_And he was gone._

_I closed my eyes and let the tears flow even more. I was pretty sure of WHAT he was going to say, but now I would never truly know._

_He knows. He knows how I feel at least. He can take that with him while he's in the stars, on new adventures and new dangers. He can know that he has a girl who loves him and always will._

_Small consolation._

I was sobbing into my pillow as I recalled the memory at Bad Wolf Bay. Five years after I had returned to him and it seems like my love for him has only increased. As though the whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" saying was correct.

_He didn't want me._

There was a knock at my door. It cracked open and mum spoke.

"I heard you crying, Rose. You okay?"

"Yeah, mum. I'm fine."

"Pete thought we could do something today if you wanted. I know it's only been a week but you need to get out of this room."

I sniffled and raised my head from the pillow. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps a day with my family will make me feel slightly better.

"Okay," I said quietly.

"I'll put tea on then."

I crawled out of bed and pushed play on the radio. I wanted something to fill the silence. Stripping down, I did something I hadn't done since it happened.

I stood in front of the mirror.

Ever since the rape, I couldn't bear to look at myself. I felt ugly, violated, disgusted. I didn't want to see the marks he left on me, let alone _feel_ it. He was already in my head all the time. His voice, his smell, his weight.

The bruises he had left had faded. The physical ones, at least. My breasts looked saggier, but that might be my imagination. On the outside, I looked normal.

The surgery had gone well. I was recuperating nicely. I still had pain meds for when I needed them but luckily, that was less and less.

All I saw when I looked in the mirror was ugliness.

_No wonder the Doctor didn't want me. I can't even stop myself from being raped. I'm useless to him._

And with that, I grabbed a towel and headed for the shower.

* * *

Pete took us to an amusement park. I actually was able to laugh and have fun, the first time in years. He invited both Mickey and Martha along so I was able to get to know her a little better. We took a few selfies and laughed at the funny mirrors. I bought cotton candy and rode the Ferris wheel. It paused for a moment as I was at the top and I looked towards the sky.

_Wonder where he is now?_

Martha grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently. Mickey had apparently filled her in on everything. It felt good to have a friend.

I slept for the thirty minute ride home. A dreamless sleep luckily where I didn't see any floating blue boxes or hear any voices. Nor did I feel myself being invaded or violated in the worst way possible.

Taking the stuffed pig that Pete won for me to my bedroom, I plopped down on the mattress. My phone lit up.

_Hey, how about dinner tomorrow night with me and Mickey?_

I smiled. She was so sweet.

I text back sure and decided to grab another shower after being outside all day. Covering the mirror this time, I quickly cleaned and laid back in bed.

" _There's one tiny little gap in the universe left. Just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection. I'm in orbit around a supernova. I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye."_

Damn him.

I switched my thoughts so I wouldn't start crying again. Over _him_ again.

I appreciated that my parents were giving me time to myself. Had they immediately told me to get over the rape, I don't know what I would have done. But they're being patient and kind. And although I am now the shattered Rose that they know, I still appreciate what they are doing for me. They even moved into the house for a few weeks to help me out. They knew their shattered Rose wouldn't be of any use.

I pulled a notepad and pencil from the nightstand and began sketching. I had picked this up not long after the Doctor left me here on the parallel Earth the second time. I found out that I'm pretty good at it. I enrolled in a few art classes and may have found a niche.

Glancing at the big, beautiful moon, I began to draw. I let myself go, let my mind wander as I just saw the moon and the stars. I thought about everything I had seen in my short life. How I had had adventures of a lifetime and met some wonderful people. I got to see my dad on real Earth. I met the last human in the year five billion. I saw universes born and die and it was breathtaking. Not many humans can say that. I guess I was lucky in that sense.

My artwork looked pretty good. The moon shone on the paper as it should have. There were stars around it and I even added a few shooting stars. I thought I might turn this into a gallery we have coming up. That and a few other pieces.

Then I noticed I had written something.

Not the first time I did that when sketching and "in the moment" as you could say, but this made absolutely no sense.

_Judoon platoon upon the moon._

Huh? What is Judoon? What are they doing on the moon?

I scratched my head and decided it was time for a drink. I crept downstairs to not wake my parents and poured a glass of lemonade. Then I headed to the porch.

It was a warm night. The crickets were loud and I enjoyed the sounds nature gave me as I sipped on my lemonade and soaked up the night life. Knowing that other constellations, other galaxies were out there, brimming with life and laughter and love, I smiled. I briefly wondered what was going on on the _real_ Earth, the one where I was born.

" _You're dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you'd gone missing. You're on the list of the dead."_

Maybe someday I will be able to travel to those places on my own. Even Earth. I could always come up with an alias so I could walk about. I could do it on my own, without needing anyone. Without needing a madman with a box.

Maybe...

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry to drag up the Doomsday episode. Believe me, it wasn't fun to write. But it was important for the story as her memories of him are still clear. Just a note, there is no TenToo in this version and Mickey did not stay on regular Earth after defeating Davros and the Daleks. Hopefully that clears up confusion since Rose has referenced that the Doctor left her twice.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well thank you to everyone who is reading this. I truly, truly appreciate it.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. If I did, it would be the Doctor and Rose Tyler in the TARDIS. As it should be.

Laughter filled the air in the dining room.

I was finally having dinner with Mickey and Martha. He was right, she was great. So sweet. He had told her all about our past and she was perfectly okay with it. Knowing that I was still in love with the Doctor proved to her I wasn't a threat.

"And then," she gasped through her laughter, "he proceeds to trip over nothing and pulls me down with him."

I threw my head back and laughed. "What a first date!"

Mickey smiled and took her hand. "Hey it worked." He looked into her eyes adorningly. "She came back."

I smiled. I was glad Mickey had found someone. I had always felt a little guilty for what I did to him. The Doctor had just come in and swept me off my feet. I couldn't resist. But I never had that spark with Mickey that I had with _him._

Brown eyes and a gorgeous smile popped into my head. Oh how I wanted to run my hands through that unruly hair….

"So Rose," Martha said, snapping me from my thoughts. "Tell me some about your adventures with The Doctor."

I looked at her and sighed. I wish my heart didn't clench whenever his name was mentioned.

"Martha," Mickey said, "maybe it's best…."

"No Mickey, I'm okay." I sat and thought of the two years I spent with him. "Oh! There was Madame Pompadour!"

"The King of France's mistress?" Martha asked, looking impressed.

I nodded and pointed at Mickey. "You remember that one."

Mickey soured. "Yeah I remember. He left us there to go gallivanting off with the French chippy."

Martha looked at him, confused.

"That is NOT what happened," I said defensively. "He _had_ to save her. He knew we would figure out some way to get back to him."

_Why am I defending his behavior?_

Mickey rolled his eyes and took Martha's hand. "Whatever Rose. He hurt you. I saw how his _interactions_ with her affected you."

I shrugged. _I shouldn't have brought this up._ "That was a long time ago."

He turned to Martha. "He was bragging, actually bragging, about snogging the king's mistress." Martha's jaw dropped. "He's madly in love with Rose and he goes and does that."

I shook my head. "He was never in love with me."

"Oh don't start this again," Mickey said frustrated. "He was, Rose. Which is why I never understood his behavior that day. Didn't then and don't now."

Martha jumped up from the table. "Anyone want more wine?" She excused herself to the kitchen.

"I talked to him after."

My eyes shot up to Mickey. "What?"

"After you went to bed, I sought him out. I wanted to know why he acted so deplorably towards you. I, in no uncertain terms, said I knew he loved you."

I looked at him. "What did he say?"

"He didn't deny it."

Martha returned and poured a glass for all of us. She took Mickey's outstretched hand again.

"There was nothing to deny."

He nodded and took a sip of wine. "Exactly, because it was the _truth._ " He stole a look at Martha and then back at me. "Rose, anyone could see how you two felt about each other. It was plain as day. He would do anything for you…even give you up."

I rolled my eyes. "Well mission accomplished." My words came out bitter.

"Those were _his_ words."

I looked at Mickey again, trying to decipher if he was lying. "W-what?"

"He did not say directly that he loved you, but he didn't deny it. His actions always proved he did. He said that he would do anything for you even if that meant having to give you up."

Anger started bubbling through me. "What a stupid thing for him to say! Didn't I get a say in it? No, apparently not because he _did_ abandon me. He promised he wouldn't and he did. It was easy for him. He can just dump me off when things got too complicated and continue to travel throughout the universe."

I was yelling now. It wasn't at them and they knew that. Martha took my hand and squeezed it.

"I returned to him, Mickey. I _came back_ and he still didn't want me. I fought so hard to make it happen and he acted like I was nothing. Like it was nothing to just dump me back here. He put walls back up and didn't even want to talk about our last time at Bad Wolf Bay. I thought sure as shit he would tell me he loved me and then the connection broke. He _could_ have changed that. He didn't. Then he had the opportunity to tell me again that next time and once again, he didn't. Because he _never_ loved me." Tears had started streaming down my cheeks. "Excuse me."

I got up and went to the bathroom. I was pissed at myself for having brought him up. I knew Martha had asked the question but I could have given a vague answer. Instead I had to bring up one of the most painful experiences of my life and look how it ended. Crying over the Doctor. Again.

I gripped the sink to steady myself and lowered my head. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't act like everything was alright when it wasn't. I ended up making myself vulnerable and look where it got me: raped. I'm so messed up because of him. I knew I would never, ever get over him and I decided right then I wasn't going to try anymore. I wasn't going to try to have a normal life because that would never happen. I just wasn't going to try at life.

_God I'm pathetic._

Returning to the dining room, Martha smiled at me. "I'm so sorry for bringing him up, Rose."

I shook my head. "You did nothing wrong, Martha. I shouldn't have let my emotions get the best of me. It was stupid. Bottom line is that I love him and always will. Even if he doesn't want me."

Mickey opened his mouth to protest and I put a hand out. "Let's move on. I'm sorry for freaking out on you guys, in your home, Martha." Her smile told me I had nothing to apologize for. Taking a deep breath I said "how about that game of Cards Against Humanity?"

"I'm in!" Mickey said. Martha stood up and cleared the dishes. "I'll bring more wine."

* * *

_The hand that covered my mouth. Eyes laughing at me. The body pressure weighting down on me._

" _You know you want this," Sean said as he drove deeper inside me, hurting me even more. "You blondes are so much fun. The Doctor doesn't know what he's missing."_

_My eyes widen at his name. I can't speak but continue to thrash around. He uses his other hand to pull my arms over me._

" _He was willing to give you up. Don't you ever wonder why? Maybe it's because you're a pathetic waste of space." Sean increased his thrusts as tears poured down my cheeks. I just wanted it over._

" _And don't think for a second that he cares. Don't think that he's thinking about you, worrying about you. I'm sure he doesn't even know. Know what a tramp you are. Such a whore. That you have sex on the first date." Every word dripped from Sean's ugly mouth._

_He removed his hand just long enough to adjust himself and I screamed._

"Rose! Rose! Wake up!"

I felt someone shaking me, trying to get my attention. I continued to thrash around, not comprehending but still hearing a voice.

"Wake up!"

Female.

I jerked awake suddenly. Martha Jones sat next to me, hands on my shoulders, eyes kind. Mickey stood at the end of the couch, bleary-eyed.

"What?"

She smiled softly. "You were having a nightmare."

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. "I'm so sorry I woke you."

Mickey walked over and mussed my hair. "It's okay." Then looking sternly at me he said "Sean?"

He could tell what my dream was about.

All I could do was nod, eyes downcast.

"Hey," Martha said as she pulled me into a hug. "Don't feel ashamed. It's only natural that would happen." She pulled back and brushed some hair from my face. "To be honest, I'm surprised you're holding up as well as you have."

I looked at her briefly and sniffed. "I'm not really."

Mickey sat down next to Martha and started to rub her back.

"We understand it's hard, Rose. Obviously, not as much as you. But we are here for you. If you ever want to talk about _anything_ , we will listen."

_Talk? Talk about how I can't get over the Doctor? How I allowed my insecurities to put me in a compromising position? Talk about how I am pathetic and useless and that I'm considering other options?_

"Yeah, sure."

Martha released me but took my hand. "If you ever want girl talk too, we can do that." She glanced back at Mickey. "I know some things are better between girls."

"Oi!" Mickey said. Then "yeah, alright."

I chuckled. "Thanks you two. What time is it?"

"Three o'clock."

I sighed. "I'm so sorry that I woke you. I'll be alright. Please go back to bed."

My two friends slowly rose from the couch. Martha still held my hand. "Okay, but don't think of bolting on us in the morning. We will have a nice breakfast." Then she squeezed it. "And if you're up for it, how about a shopping spree later in the week?"

I smiled. "Thank you. Thank you for being so kind, Martha."

She squeezed my hand again and released it. They said their goodnights and left. I laid back down on the couch and stared out the window.

It was a cloudy night, not much moon. Couldn't see much. It reminded me that fall was coming soon, my favorite season. I loved the changing of the leaves, the crisp air, all that stuff that I missed when traveling with the Doctor.

He did take me to a planet that was all fall all the time. I reveled in the beauty of the yellow, orange, and red leaves on the trees. I felt the crunch of the fallen leaves beneath my feet. We had stopped at a vendor and he bought us hot cider. I remember taking a deep breath and letting all the smells that fall has to offer invade my senses. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the cool wind on my face.

He had been staring at me when I opened my eyes. He looked like he was warring with himself. I was about to question him when he commented we needed to get back to the ship.

_Come to think of it, I really do miss that planet. I wonder if he ever returned there._

Images of fall continued to invade my senses. Scarves, pumpkins, Halloween, blankets, bonfires. All the stuff that comes with fall. I had been so wrapped up in finding a way back to him that I basically ignored it the past few years. No wonder I missed my favorite season.

_I may not see it this year, though._

I sighed and turned away from the window, facing the back of the couch. I closed my eyes, hoping that whatever sleep comes, it will not have anything else to do with Sean. Or to do with the rape. I just wanted one night, one sleep, where he didn't invade my thoughts. Or the Doctor. One free, quiet night.

I was drifting off within minutes, the only sounds being the wall clock and a slight hum in the distance. Kind of like an engine.

_Kind of like..._

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for reading! Next up, the trial.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.

It was the morning of court. I was absolutely dreading it. I just wanted this whole thing behind me so I could move on with whatever time I had left. I dressed that morning in a white blouse and black skirt with flats. I curled my hair and wore minimal makeup. Didn't want the jury to think that maybe I deserved it because I looked like a whore.

_Blondes always tease guys because they know they can._

I sighed as I looked in the mirror. Was Sean right? Was my blonde hair a tease? Did I give off an air that I _wanted_ that? I didn't think I did, but then I wasn't the best judge.

_HE definitely didn't want me. Maybe whatever this 'air' is, it doesn't work on aliens._

I scoffed at that.

Grabbing my purse, I headed downstairs and out the door. Mum and Pete were already in the car waiting. The ride was silent; they knew I had too much on my mind.

After the charges were announced, three other women came forward. Apparently this track record was embellished. It wasn't _willing_ participants. So now four victims have sought to make sure he would be locked up.

I didn't say much as I entered the courtroom. I felt dread since I knew he would be there. I sat down waiting for my turn to take the stand. Brenda, another victim, sat next to me and squeezed my hand.

"We'll get him," she said quietly.

I just nodded.

When Sean walked in, he waved at us as he took his seat. I couldn't believe the nerve of him.

_It's like he doesn't think he will be convicted._

My blood ran cold at that thought.

_What if he's not? He'll continue to be out there, raping other women. Possibly coming back for me, since I was the initial one that brought charges._

Then I remembered that wouldn't matter. In a few weeks, Rose Tyler would cease to exist.

Court got underway. As I waited, I felt like there was a presence in the courtroom. Not an unpleasant presence, but one nonetheless. I dared a glance around.

Martha Jones.

That's right! She was the doctor who examined me so she was going to be testifying. She was called up next and took her seat.

Mickey was behind me and squeezed my shoulders in support. I smiled knowing I had a support system. Brenda, still holding my hand, gave a quick squeeze as well.

She was also blonde. I was beginning to see a pattern here. I hadn't talked to the other two victims but I had a sneaky suspicion that they were blonde as well.

Martha did a great job on the stand. The defense tried to make her seem incompetent and she wasn't having any of it. I smiled. I knew she had snark in her; that was one of the things Mickey loved about her.

_There's that presence again. A little stronger this time. Not coming from Martha or my friends. Weird._

I continued to face the front.

When I was called, I took a deep breath. _I can do this._ Releasing Brenda's hand, I slowly made my way to the front. After swearing in, I took my seat.

"Ms. Tyler, can you please tell us in your own words what happened that night?"

Closing my eyes, I began to recall one of the worst nights of my life two months ago.

Tears were rolling down my eyes as I finished my recollection of events. I slowly opened my eyes.

_The Doctor!_

I blinked quickly while the barrister talked to the courtroom. No it couldn't be him.

In the last row, a man looking similar to the Doctor, in a blue suit and same brown trench coat, with the same unruly hair as before, sat shooting daggers at the back of Sean's head.

_He's not here. Stupid Rose._

It was one of the things I was imagining. I was doing that a lot more lately. Seeing him more and more. I wished I wouldn't. I had already accepted the fact that I was never going to be over him, but ever since this tragedy it's like he's my safe spot or something.

The expression "if looks could kill" fit this scenario. Sean would be dead from the look that this Doctor image was giving him. I just wished it was real. In a way, it was kind of humorous.

"Ms. Tyler?"

I snapped to attention.

"Yes?"

The defense barrister, Rory Williams, snarled. _This isn't good._ "My client tells me that you let him into your house, isn't that correct?"

I knew where this was going. "Yes."

"And you didn't think that maybe that would be an invitation to sex?"

I shook my head. "He asked to use the bathroom and I said yes. To that. Allowing someone to use the bathroom is not consent to sex." I saw Brenda nod.

"Don't you think that maybe that was a ruse?"

I nodded. "I had a suspicion he would make a move on me but I didn't suspect I would be attacked. No means no."

He glared at me. "Did you tell him to leave?"

"Yes, of course."

"And that's when he attacked you?"

"Yes," I said, fidgeting. "He literally grabbed the door out of my hands and slammed it. I did knee him in the groin but he still grabbed me and forced me to kiss him. He pulled out some of my hair." I felt the spot where it was starting to come back in.

"Did you try to fend him off during the alleged attack?" Williams was not giving up easily.

"The scratches on his face should prove resistance."

The image was still sitting in the back row, still glaring at Sean.

_Wow. That's the longest I've imagined him. I must really need him right now._

"Tell me, Ms. Tyler. What were you wearing on that date?"

My eyes snapped to Mr. Williams. I knew he was going to play that angle. Make it seem like I _wanted_ it by the way I dressed.

"A blouse and jeans."

"Were they tight?"

I shrugged. "Depends on your definition of tight. Form-fitting I like to say."

The barrister smiled. "So you wore tight clothing on a date hoping that the guy would notice then, huh?"

"I really didn't care if he noticed or not. He wasn't getting a second date."

He raised his eyebrow at me. "Oh? And why's that."

"Because…." I didn't want to say it.

"Ms. Tyler?" Williams goaded.

I lowered my head. "Because I'm in love with someone else."

_Stupid, pathetic Rose._

"And why were you on a date with my client then?"

I squeezed my eyes shut as the words tumbled out.

"Because the man I love didn't want me. He left me five years ago and I haven't gotten over him. I've tried dating but it's always ended disastrously because I can't move on. And then my date with Sean just proved it." Tears were streaming down my cheeks at this time.

An image of Sean on top of me, inside me, flashed in my head again. I could still smell him on me and put a hand to my mouth to stop from retching.

The smarmy barrister stopped and looked at me. I think he could tell I was going to be sick. "No more questions."

I was excused and made my way out of the courtroom. My vision was watered up so I didn't see the image in the blue suit stand as I walked through the doors.

In the ladies room, I managed to keep everything down. I sat in the stall and just wept. I wept for everything; for Bad Wolf Bay, for still loving and remembering the Doctor, for not moving on, for the rape, for the issues I put everyone through. I wept for being the burden that I am.

_Soon I won't be a burden anymore._

"Rose?" came mum's voice.

I sniffed. "I'm fine, mum."

She stood outside the door. "You're clearly not. And that's okay love. With what you've been through no one would expect you to not break down."

I stood up slowly and opened the door. "I made such a fool of myself, mum. I admitted that I'm still in love with the Doctor. What kind of pathetic person am I? It's been five fucking years. Five fucking years and I can't move on." Fresh tears fell as mum pulled me into a hug.

"You're not pathetic darling. You said it yourself, you're in love. You may never get over him. And that's okay." She pulled back to look at me. "You were ready to give your whole life to him. That kind of love doesn't just disappear. If you never get over him, maybe you can at least find a portion of your heart that will allow someone else in."

I nodded and sniffled. She hugged me again.

"Mum? Did you by any chance see a man in the last row in the blue suit? Brown trench coat?"

"No I didn't sweetie," she said as she moved a hair from my face. "Why?"

"No reason."

_Proof I'm crazy. That image had stayed the whole time I was on the stand. Still weird._

"They're reconvening tomorrow morning. You shouldn't have to be here unless called again. You okay with leaving?"

"Oh god yes." I giggled a little.

Making our way out of the courthouse, Brenda ran up to me and gave me a big hug.

"You okay?" she asked me quietly.

"Right as rain," I replied. She chuckled.

"I love you," she said. I smiled.

"Love you too, Bren."

She took my hand. "Let's do lunch soon!" She blew me a kiss and was off.

Martha pulled me into a hug. "You were great."

I sighed, fighting back more tears. "No I wasn't."

She squeezed me hard. "Yes you were. I watched the jury as you ran out and they were literally sympathizing with you."

I smiled. Mickey hugged me next, not saying anything.

"Mickey, I'm going crazy." He released me and gave me a questioning look. "You didn't by any chance see the Doctor in there did you?"

He shook his head. "No, I didn't. Why?"

I shrugged and avoided his eye. "Thought I did is all." I still saw the eye roll from him.

_Yup, pathetic._

"Come on, Rose." Mum pulled at my hand.

I waved at my friends and got into Pete's car. He maneuvered through traffic, complaining that it's always busy and he can never catch a break.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't see the man in the blue suit leaning against the outside of the courtroom, watching me go.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think? Was the Doctor really there?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who. If I did, the Doctor would have said "Rose Tyler, I love you."

It was a long day. After court everyone decided it would be best to just go and let loose for a while. So we went to a local pub not far from where I lived. I played pool with Martha and Mickey while Pete and Mum threw darts. We all drained about three pitchers of beer but luckily I wasn't feeling any of it. In all honesty, I had only had about two glasses. Pete and Mickey did the most damage.

My phone buzzed and I saw I had a message from Brenda.

_Not needed tomorrow, but maybe the next day. Sounds like they're wrapping up quickly. Could be a good thing._

I sent back a quick reply so she knew I got it.

_Love you!_ She said. I wrote I loved her back.

It was weird. The rape was one of the worst things to happen to me in my entire life and yet, it helped me make a friend. Two friends actually, Brenda and Martha. I looked over at where she and Mickey were still playing pool. She stopped and placed a kiss on his lips before knocking the eight ball into the pocket and winning the game.

"Pay up, Smith" she said. I chuckled.

Mickey whined like a small child. He asked about a rematch as I headed to the table. I cleared away our things and placed my phone on the table. Then I challenged both of them to another round of pool.

I won.

I had never laughed so hard in my life, watching Mickey crying as he had to fork over his twenty pounds he had been saving. Just to rub it into Martha's face he commented "I'll have you know I was gonna buy my girlfriend something pretty with that."

"For twenty pounds the only thing you'll get me is wine," she retorted.

_I love Martha Jones._

Another hour passed and mum and Pete called it a night. I saw them to the car where they both gave me great big hugs. I waved as they drove away. I had gone back to living on my own so they were returning to their flat.

It was a warm August night. I could feel the hint of fall in the air but I was enjoying the warm breeze that washed over me. I knew it would be a good night to walk home.

That was a fun conversation.

" _You're not walking home this late at night," mum said._

" _Oh come on, it's only four blocks from here."_

" _Jackie's right," Mickey said. "After what happened you should take every precaution…."_

" _Listen," I snapped at them. "I was raped. Yes, it happened and yes, I'm broken because of it. But I will NOT live in fear. I know these blocks like the back of my hand. They are safe. Plus I have my pepper spray. Everything will be alright."_

_And if not, I thought, well that's another reason for me to end things._

" _Alright fine," mum said. "But you text as soon as you're home, not a minute later."_

_I saluted. "Yes ma'am."_

Walking back into the pub, Mickey and Martha were finishing up their last drinks. I smiled, ready to go too. I wanted to spend some time sketching before falling asleep.

I had this image of a rose, conveniently enough, in my head. It had a few dropped petals like it was dying. Like I was.

After paying the tab, I stepped back out onto the street with my two friends. They hailed a cab and then turned to me. Martha enveloped me in a giant hug.

"You were so brave today," she said. I scoffed.

"Not really."

She pulled back and held my face in her hands. Her warm, brown eyes were kind. "No, you were Rose. It takes a lot of guts to go up there and do what you did. I've had to testify for other rape victims before and most of the time, they bail out. I don't blame them one bit, but they do it because they're scared. And that's natural. But you, you showed that you weren't going to let Sean intimidate you." She released my face and looked down. "I honestly don't know if I would be that brave if that ever happened to me."

Mickey put an arm around her. "That will never happen," he said, kissing her temple.

I smiled. _He's so in love with her._

The cab pulled up. Before they got in, I wanted to ask Martha something.

"Quick question. Did you by any chance see a bloke in a blue suit in the last row?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so, but the courtroom was pretty crowded. Why?"

I lowered my eyes. "It's stupid, but for a moment, I thought it was the Doctor." I glanced up at her. Her eyes were kind. "I know it wasn't, but as I confessed in the courtroom, I'm still in love with him. So I see him everywhere. He's kind of like my safety net I guess."

She stepped forward and placed a kiss on my cheek. "It's not stupid at all. I didn't see him, and neither did Mickey. I'm sure he would have said something otherwise. But if you think you did, then maybe you did." Mickey tapped on the glass from the cab. "I've got to go." She opened the door. "You're going to be alright?"

I nodded. "Yup," I said, popping the p. "My place isn't far. Plus I want the walk to clear my head."

She nodded. "Have a good night. We'll talk soon." And with that, she and Mickey were off.

Inhaling the summer night, I turned on my heel and began walking home. It was around midnight and in a way, I was glad to see what my part of London looked like at this time.

Basically, it was just dark. I heard a dog bark as I rounded a corner and a raccoon crossed the street. The rest was pretty quiet.

Then I felt a presence.

It was like what I felt in the courtroom today. It wasn't unpleasant or dangerous, but I felt something wash over me. I stopped and turned around, slowly.

I couldn't be sure, but I thought I saw the outline of a man in the shadow of a building about twenty feet from me.

_Don't be ridiculous, Rose._

Turning back, I increased my pace ever so slightly. The feeling continued so I whipped around, hoping to catch the wanker following me.

Again, darkness.

But the feeling hadn't left. And the fact that it didn't feel dangerous is what was making me worry.

"I know someone's there."

Silence.

_Maybe I am going off my rocker. Wouldn't be surprising._

I shifted my weight onto my other foot and tried again.

"If someone is there, you might as well speak up. I don't bite."

_But he or she or it might._

Again, silence.

Chalking it up to the alcohol in my system, I turned again.

"Brilliant Rose," I mumbled to myself as I crossed the street to my house. "You have literally fucking lost it."

Putting the key in the lock, I looked around one final time.

Nothing.

Stepping inside, I closed and locked the door. Then I leaned against it to stop my rapid heartbeat.

I was just about to move away when a memory hit me. A memory very familiar….

" _You alright, mate?"_

_The man in the shadow said "yeah."_

_He was cute. He looked sad and there was another look in his eye when he looked upon me. Something I couldn't decipher._

" _Too much drink?" I asked, trying to be friendly._

" _Something like that," he said as he supported himself against the wall. Maybe I should have been afraid, but I wasn't._

" _Maybe it's time you went home."_

" _Yeah."_

" _Anyway," I said with a smile. "Happy New Year."_

" _And you."_

_I turned and began walking away when he spoke again._

" _What year is this?"_

_Stunned, I turned around. "Blimey! How much have you had?"_

_He shrugged. "Well…"_

_I gave a little smile. "2005, January the first."_

_He looked at me harder this time. It wasn't unpleasant. It was as though he was looking into my soul. As though he was meant to. A familiar presence in his eyes._

" _2005?"_

_I nodded. This man really needed to sleep it off._

" _Tell you what," he said with a small smile, "I bet you're gonna have a really great year."_

_That was kind._

" _Yeah?" I asked with a smile._

_The strange look in his eye continued, but now he looked like he was in pain too. He smiled at me again._

_I turned and looked back at the flat. "See ya," I said with a shrug. Then I turned and ran to the door and up the stairs, him watching me._

I slid down the door, tears forming in my eyes. I didn't know that day that I would meet him about three months later. Obviously, when he regenerated I recognized him as the man from that night. I had wondered what had happened and why I wasn't with him, why he had gone back to a time before we had officially met, but I didn't dwell on it too much. I had also wondered at the time what happened to that "drunken stranger" that night, if he had made it home and slept off the alcohol.

I folded my arms across my knees and laid my head down on them, continuing to sob.

"I love you, Doctor. I always have and I always will. No matter how short my time is now on this Earth, just know that my love will carry on through eternity. You may not have wanted me, but know that this little human will always love you."

And with that out in the air, I wiped my eyes, stood up and walked to the bedroom for some sketching and sleep.

After texting mum of course.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a flashback to the first/last time they met. I may or may not have cried while watching the video to make sure I had it accurate (totally did). Thanks so much for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short. Sorry about that!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.

Today was the day. The verdict was being read. I was both terrified and satisfied. Terrified that Sean would be found not guilty. Satisfied that no matter what, I did the right thing by pressing charges.

We all piled into the courtroom. Brenda immediately came over and gave me a hug. We took our seat by our barrister, Amelia Pond. She was a pretty redhead with a no-nonsense attitude when it came to her job. She was perfect for our case.

I saw mum and Pete sit down about three rows back. Neither Mickey nor Martha could make it today and that was okay. I was however under strict instruction to text her as soon as I could.

The other two rape victims came in then and smiled softly at us. I was right; they were blonde too.

Court started and the jury piled in. We stood. A paper was handed to the judge.

"Has the jury reached a verdict?"

"Yes, we have your honor," the foreman said. "In the case of four counts of rape against Sean Davis, we find he defendant guilty."

Relief washed through me as Brenda grabbed my arm. An audible sound of relief echoed through the courtroom. Ms. Pond turned and smiled at us.

I really didn't pay much attention to what the judge said after that. My head was swimming.

_We got him. We got him. Sean is going away for rape. He won't victimize another woman. It doesn't change what he took from me, but at least I helped prevent it from happening to someone else._

Sean turned to look at me, eyes blazing. I shuddered.

Outside the courthouse, Ms. Pond turned and gave both Brenda and me a hug.

"You ladies were great," she said. "I know that the pictures we had of you Rose is what swayed them. That and Dr. Jones's testimony. He was a dead duck and he knew it."

I hugged the other three rape victims. We had dubbed ourselves the Cheery Blondes and promised to meet up in a few weeks.

_Minus one, of course._

Mum and Pete came barreling up to me. She enveloped me in such a tight hug. "I knew we would get him, darling."

"Mum," I said gasping. "Mum I'm having trouble breathing." She loosened her grip slightly.

"I'm so proud of you, Rose."

Guilt washed over me. She was proud of me for putting a rapist away. But she hadn't ever really said she was proud of me before. While I was happy about that, I was also sad. She was proud of me and here I am planning my escape from everything.

_Don't be proud of me, mum._

Pete hugged me next. He still smelled how I remembered on Earth. I had been able to memorize that smell when I held his hand as he died. I was glad it was the same because it was comforting.

On the drive home, I text Martha and told her the news. She immediately text back.

_I KNEW IT!_

I chuckled.

Mum and dad pulled into my driveway but asked if I wanted to go with them for a bite. They wanted to celebrate. I declined politely and went into my house.

The events of the past few weeks had really been draining for me. I hadn't slept that much, nor had I eaten. I had lost weight in the last month or so. I just didn't find pleasure in it anymore. Not with my end so close.

_Two weeks._

I was giving myself two weeks to tie up all lose ends. I didn't want to be a burden anymore. Nor did I want to continue to think about _him._ I had come to the conclusion that I would never have a life if the Doctor wasn't in it. I just could not stop loving him. It wasn't fair to anyone else and it also wasn't fair to me.

Plus, after the rape I realized that I was damaged goods. No man would want me anyway. I would always have this trauma and god knows when I would have a panic attack or need help. I had already begun seeing a therapist and that wasn't helping.

Today though, I just wanted to spend the rest of my day in my bed. I quickly changed into pajamas, avoiding the mirror, and climbed into familiar sheets. Instead of sketching this time, I allowed my thoughts to drift to the past. Since I didn't have much time left, I figured it was best to get these thoughts out now.

" _I fought so hard to come back."_

_He just looked at me. "This is best, Rose."_

_I shook my head. "How is this best if we're not together?"_

_His unruly hair blew in the wind. "I need you safe. After the events with Davros and the Daleks, I can't risk them finding you again." He looked down. "You saw everything. You saw how I was, what I did. I know you already knew that, but seeing is a different thing. You saw the monster that I was. I don't want to give the Daleks a chance to use you to get to me."_

" _We'll fight them together."_

_He brushed a hair out of my face. "You made me better."_

_I smiled softly. "But I thought it was better with two?"_

_His hand moved and lightly traced my jawline. "I need you safe," he repeated. We stood on the beach there at Bad Wolf Bay, wind blowing rapidly around us. I stared into his eyes, willing him to stay. He turned and walked back to the TARDIS. Away from me._

_I called his name as I ran after him. He didn't turn around. The door closed and I heard the whirring as it started up. I watched the TARDIS disappear._

_He left me. Again._

_I literally fell into the sand and wept._

Tears fell on my bedclothes as the memory finished. I couldn't believe I had been so stupid. I was stupid to believe in him, stupid to believe that when I returned he would want me. Stupid to believe he actually loved me.

_He never said "I love you, Rose." Why in the fuck would you believe he did then?_

Because I was a fool.

And that was a reason why I could no longer continue to walk on this parallel world. He left me here without a care as to what happened to me. I would not give him the satisfaction of knowing I was going to go on with life. I would much rather die and he someday hear about it. Then maybe he'll show an ounce of caring.

_He never loved me. I was such a fool._

I heard a quick knock at my door so I bolted downstairs. There was a delivery person there holding a small box. I signed for it and then brought it inside. I did not recognize the handwriting. Taking it to the kitchen, I opened the box with some kitchen shears. I pulled the lid off and screamed, dropping it. I ran from the room to call mum and Pete, Mickey and Martha. I knew he wouldn't let it rest. And it was clear that Sean was sending me a message. One I'm guessing he planned to carry out soon. I left the offending item on the counter, not wanting to go anywhere near it. I was panicked, about to literally pass out from the object.

A dead rose.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes! That's scary. Thanks to all who've followed this story.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who. If I did, Bad Wolf Bay would have been a wedding, not a goodbye.

I was still hyperventilating when the police arrived. They took the offending evidence, but without really knowing that Sean sent it, they wouldn't be able to do much. Pete held me to regulate by breathing.

_I knew it. I knew it._

I was stupid to think that after he was convicted, that I would be safe. He had threatened that he would get me. My phone lit up with a text from Brenda.

_No, nothing like that came for me. He's just trying to scare you. Don't let him win._

Easier said than done.

Mum said she would stay with me the next few weeks. But I decided to up my timetable.

_I'm not waiting two weeks. I'm not giving Sean the satisfaction of torturing me or stalking me before killing me. No, I'm going to have to make this happen._

I hated this thought.

But I knew it was right. Yes, mum would be devastated but she knew I was never whole on this planet. And I knew I would never have a life, a _real_ life either. And now with the rape, I was really and truly broken. There would be no coming back from this. Best to get it over with. Best to get Rose Tyler, the burden of the parallel Earth, out of the picture.

Pete had to get back to work and mum did say she was going to run a few errands. She wanted me to come with her, insisted actually, but I declined. I was still tired and after my scare, was feeling drained. I made sure the house was locked up tight and then laid on the couch to regulate my breathing.

As soon as I closed my eyes, warm brown eyes appeared in front of me.

" _Rose…."_

_I shook my head. "No, you don't just get to come back, be all charming and expect me to forgive everything. You left me. Twice."_

_He ran a hand through his hair. "Technically, once. The void sucked you away from me the first time."_

_I rolled my eyes. "You could have destroyed universes to get to me. You didn't. Because you didn't care."_

_His eyes snapped to mine. They had darkened. "Of course I care. I'm here, aren't' I?"_

" _Yeah, why are you here?"_

_He looked around the kitchen. "Isn't it obvious?"_

_God he was stubborn!_

" _No, it's not."_

_I watched as he took a deep breath in and a deep breath out._

" _All you do is run away when it comes to feelings," I said angrily. His eyes narrowed. "You PROMISED me you weren't going to leave me behind. And you lied. Like you so often do. I'm guessing most of what you told me was a lie."_

_He spoke through gritted teeth. "Not true."_

" _Well it doesn't matter now. You've paid your dues. You showed up, now you can leave again."_

_I crossed my arms and stared at him. His eyes had turned black and he just stared at me._

" _Well? What are you going to do?"_

_Before I could react, he had pinned me against the wall of the kitchen. One hand pressed against the wall for support, the other in my hair. He smashed his lips to mine. Again._

_My eyes remained open a moment in shock before I closed them. It took another few seconds before my hands began working. One tangled in his hair, eliciting a moan from him. The other pressed against his chest where his hearts lay. My inner voice started screaming, much like it did that day he returned. But I think it was more about the aggression he was displaying than anything else._

_He tilted my head slowly to get better access as his tongue traced my lip line. I granted access and he greedily snaked in, fighting for dominance. His other hand moved from the wall to wrap around my waist and he pressed firmly against me. VERY firmly._

_A small part of me sent out warning signals. This was the part that triggered now every time a man touched me. I sensed it always would._

_I pushed that down and continued ruffling his hair. His kiss always seemed to make me forget, even just for a moment. He growled and nipped at my lip._

" _Still doubting my feelings for you?" he whispered, breath hot on my face._

_I just whimpered. My eyes were still closed and he pressed his lips to mine again._

" _I guess you didn't hear me. I will have to speak louder."_

_This time, his hand grabbed my left leg and hitched it over his this hip. That warning part of me was screaming that something was wrong, but I knew he wouldn't hurt me._

_Then I felt it._

_Something hard pressed against my center._

_My eyes flew open and I broke the kiss as he trailed kisses down to my clavicle. He continued to lick my skin, eliciting moans from me._

" _Doc-Doctor?"_

" _Hmmm?" He nipped at my collarbone. My eyes fluttered closed again._

" _What are you doing?"_

_He chuckled. "I thought I was telling you how I felt." He pulled back and looked at me. "This is alright, isn't it?"_

_I nodded. "Yes," I said slowly. Then I moved against him. "It's just I've never felt this before."_

_He grinned wickedly. "Oh Rose Tyler. The things you do to me."_

" _So, are you just wanting something?" I asked, unhooking my leg from him and slightly pushing him off of me. "Like just wanting a shag and then you're off?"_

_His jaw dropped and his impossibly black eyes got blacker. "You serious?"_

_I nodded. He stepped back._

" _No, Rose. I was trying to tell you how I feel about you. How I've always felt about you. You do things to me that I have never experienced before." He brought a hand up and cupped my cheek. "I want you so badly but I want you to want it."_

_I raised an eyebrow. "So it is just about sex?"_

" _NO!" He ran his other hand through his hair. He looked down and when his eyes met mine again, I saw conviction._

" _I love you."_

_I could tell he was telling the truth._

Coming out of that dream was rough. It had felt so real. Like he really _had_ been here and had said those things. I pressed my thighs together. Damn, I could almost feel him against me. How hard he was. Like steel.

I rubbed them to cause some friction.

I had all but ignored myself down there since the rape. Nothing had interested me but after that pretty hot dream, I was craving his touch. I knew he would never hurt me. And damn, did it feel right.

My hand slid down and began sliding in between my folds. I felt for my clit and began rubbing it vigorously. I threw my head back on the arm of the couch.

My breathing became labored as the speed increased. My other hand went under my shirt and kneaded my left breast. It tweaked it and flicked it as the pressure mounted. I knew it wouldn't be long.

I kept his face in my mind as everything sped up. My orgasm was approaching fast.

"Doc-Doctor!" I cried as it ripped through me. My body sputtered and jerked a few times before I went limp on the cushions. I removed my hands and covered my face.

_That was my first orgasm._

I had never come when I was with Mickey. I had faked it of course because it was him, but I never had any passion behind it. And since I hadn't dated after the Doctor left me, I had never experience anything. And I had never really paid much attention to my needs of that nature before. And definitely hadn't since the rape.

_I wonder why now?_

I rolled my eyes as I sat up and headed for the bedroom. I knew why. It was because of that hot dream. I will admit, that was intense. I had had sex dreams of the two of us before but it was never like that. And really, it wasn't sex! But it was as though I could actually _feel_ him pressed against me, if that makes any sense at all.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and got dressed. Mum wasn't home yet so I grabbed my keys and started walking. I needed to clear my head.

I walked about five miles before I came to Simon's Landing. This was a beautiful rock quarry about 500 feet above sea level. I stared down at the rocks below.

_It's time. You had your sex dream, had your first orgasm. You were raped, dumped on a parallel Earth, and forced to live a mundane life. If he cared about you, he wouldn't have let you go. He is probably on some distant planet now, not thinking about you. Probably shagging some pretty blonde thing that looks like Madame Pompadour. Not pining for you like you are for him. He's moved on; it's time you did too. Don't give him the satisfaction of you having a good life on this planet. Jump and end it. Maybe, just maybe there will be a shred of sadness, maybe a tear shed for his former companion. Just jump._

I sighed and closed my eyes. The water hitting the rocks calmed me immensely. Yes, that would be a good last sound to hear.

I stepped a little closer to the edge. As my soul still yearned for the Doctor, I thought I could faintly make out the whirring of the TARDIS. But I shook my head to focus on just the water. I took a deep breath.

_Your life here is over. Your damaged goods, no use to anyone. Do everyone a favor. Most especially the Doctor. Stop pining for him like a stupid teenager. End it. Now. He'll be happy you're gone._

And with that, I stepped off the rock to my fate below.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Without further ado…
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.

I felt such a sense of freedom during my fall. As though all the pain and sorrow I have had my entire life was gone. I breathed in the salty air and shut my eyes, knowing that in a few seconds, I wouldn't be in pain anymore.

The end never came.

Instead, I was caught by a pair of strong arms.

_Huh?_

Peeking an eye open, I came face-to-face with the Doctor.

"Hello," he said with a small smile.

I shook my head.

"What?" I tried moving to understand what was going on. His grip increased.

"I've got you, Rose. You're safe." His strong arms held me closer against him. Impossibly close.

I looked around. The TARDIS was soaring upwards. We were standing on the ledge of it and I wondered if we would _both_ fall off.

_Of course not. This is the TARDIS we are talking about._

I looked down and saw the rocks and the water below. Saw what should have been my watery grave. We were flying high above it, apparently.

I turned back to the Doctor as he pulled us further into the TARDIS.

Once inside, I pressed on him to release me. The touch was too much. I couldn't understand why, though. Because it was him? Because of my reaction to men now after the rape? Maybe both.

He released me slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. It was as though he was searching for something.

"What?" I asked again.

"You've never pushed on me to release you."

"Yeah, well I had never been raped before."

I took a few steps back as I spat out those words. His eyes darkened and his stance grew rigid. A part of me was worried I may have angered him but the majority of me didn't care.

I turned and walked up the ramp to the console. I turned around and smiled.

"Hello, old friend."

The TARDIS hummed in response. I laughed.

"I missed you too."

The Doctor still stood in his position by the door, watching me. I walked around the console room looking at things.

"Still looks the same," I commented. "There's the nick we made that one night. Remember?" I turned to him as I spoke and my comment died. He was staring at me and I couldn't decipher the emotions behind his eyes. Guilt? Regret? L-love?

_Why is he here? What is going on?_

I stayed silent for a little while longer while I continued to re-familiarize myself with my old friend. I was aware of his eyes on me but I refused to turn around until I was good and ready.

"So why are you here?" I finally asked, turning to him.

He had moved just behind me.

_When did he get so close?_

"Isn't it obvious?"

I shook my head. "No. I mean, how did you get here? The whole time and space thing and all? Why are you wasting your time on me?"

His eyes softened. "You're not a waste of time, Rose. Never have been." He ran his hand through his hair. _Still as unruly as ever,_ I thought with a smile. He caught the smile and smiled back.

"Right, well." He took a deep breath. "I _did_ tear a universe apart to get here. Might have caused the death of three million beings, don't really know. Don't care. Once I heard what happened to you, nothing would prevent me from getting to you."

I nodded slowly. "So you've heard then?"

He looked at me sadly. "Of course I've heard, Rose. Did you think I wouldn't come back after that?"

I shrugged. "Why should you? You left me on this planet without so much as a goodbye. You abandoned me after you promised you wouldn't. You don't care about me, so the only reason I can deduct for you being here is you have some guilt."

His jaw went slack. "D-do you really believe I don't care about you?"

I held out my arms. "Well, you don't."

He stepped forward and reached out to stroke my cheek. His cool hand felt amazing on my skin. "Rose, I care more about you than you'll ever know. More than _I_ know. I do feel guilt; but it's only because I wasn't around to prevent it." His thumb began stroking the apple of my cheek. "Believe me, if you were here on the TARDIS, it never would have happened. You would be worshipped like a goddess."

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensations flowing through my body.

_Wait!_

My eyes flew open and I took a step back. My uneasy feeling was back. He looked at me quizzically.

"Sorry," I said. "But after the rape, any man's touch makes me react in a negative way."

His eyes were sad. "I understand." He put his hand in his pocket.

"Why were you trying to kill yourself?"

I looked at him sharply. "Oh, I don't know. Five years later I'm still pining for you, even though I shouldn't be. I know I'll never be a whole person so why even bother? The pain was too much and then with the rape I'm no longer whole. I am broken, shattered. The shattered Rose I call myself. So why continue to live a life on a strange planet, a planet I did _not_ choose to be on by my own volition, and give you the satisfaction of thinking that I _was_ living life? I'd rather die to spite you."

My words were harsh but I didn't care.

He took a step back. "Rose, I…."

_Typical._

I rolled my eyes and turned away from him. "Just like you." I began walking to the kitchen. It amazes me that everything still felt so familiar. "I'm getting tea."

The kettle was already on by the time I entered the room. I said a quiet thank you to her and went in search of mugs. I pulled two out, knowing he would follow.

I knew it when the hairs on my neck stood up. He had approached from behind and slowly turned me to face him.

I swallowed down the fear that now accompanied any type of closeness. I _knew_ he would never hurt me but it was instinctual now. Might always be.

"Rose," he said softly. "I am sorry. So, so sorry for making you feel this way. I _did_ want you to move on and have a life. A life I thought I could never have. It killed me to think of you being with someone else. I was ecstatic when you returned to me but after everything with Davros, I knew I couldn't keep you. I needed you safe."

I nodded, noting his closeness. My internal voice screamed for him to stand back but I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

"You said that before."

I hadn't realized he had snaked his arms around my waist. He held me to him. I felt that electrical current that was always around him. "I know. It was the truth then and it's the truth now. I needed you safe. I failed to realize that this planet had evils and things that can take you away from me." He lowered his head. "I screwed up, I know it. You have no idea the pain and torture I went through without you." He glanced up at me.

I knew I should get out of his embrace. But it felt _so_ right. Like I was home. The internal voice became silent.

His grip tightened. I felt myself being pulled towards him. It was like a magnet. I couldn't pull away.

But I had to.

Leaning back, I didn't step out of his embrace but I did break the connection. His eyes searched mine.

"I'm sorry, Rose." He leaned his forehead against mine. "So, so sorry. If you'll accept me back, I will spend the rest of your existence proving how much you mean to me." His right hand came up and gently stroked my cheek.

_No, you daft alien! You don't deserve to have another chance. You made your choice and now you're trying to worm your way back in._

I sighed. "I'm not promising anything." I looked into his brown eyes. He looked like a bird from this view. "You hurt me so much. I can't just forgive you now like I used to. Like how I just forgave you for Madame Pompadour." His eyes closed at that. "It's because of you that I am on this planet still. It's because of you that I can't move on."

_It's because of you that I was raped._

He seemed to understand what I was silently saying as his grip on me increased and a tear ran down his cheek. "I know," he said quietly. He opened his eyes again to look at me. "I will never forgive myself for letting his happen. Not to you, Rose. Not to the woman I…."

_Oh bother. Not again._

He swallowed. And took a deep breath.

"Love."

My legs actually went weak when he said that. He had to return his right hand to my waist to help steady me. I couldn't breathe. My ears were ringing and my heart was pounding in my chest.

"The woman I love," he repeated. "Forever."

I searched his eyes to see if he was lying. I had learned the number one rule of traveling with the Doctor: he lies. But I couldn't see anything here. What I saw was that one emotion that I was questioning earlier.

_Love._

"You…love me?"

"So much it scares me."

He was drawing circles on my back as he continued to hold me against him. "I'm sorry I never told you before. I _was_ going to tell you that time on Bad Wolf Bay, but the connection broke. I had finally mustered up the courage and it was taken away from me. _You_ were taken away from me."

I stared at him as he babbled on.

"I gave my life for you, Rose. I burned up a sun to say goodbye. I wouldn't do that for someone I didn't love." His ministrations stopped as he pulled me impossibly closer. "I went through so much pain at losing you, much as you did at losing me. I didn't realize _how_ deeply my feelings ran until that pain. I never want to experience that again."

My heart was still broken but I just felt a few pieces being put back into place.

"I meant what I said; I will spend the rest of your existence showing you how much you mean to me. I'm not scared of my feelings for you anymore. Just scared of losing you again."

I brought a hand up and stroked his cheek. He leaned into my touch.

_How does he do this?_

"I know it won't be easy with all the human time that has passed, but I will give you whatever you want. If you want marriage, I will grant it. I will tie myself to you, my pink-and-yellow human, in every way possible." He smiled at me wickedly. "I want to make love to you too. So many times and so many ways."

I choked on air and my hand dropped from his cheek.

He sputtered as he regained the conversation. "Not right away," he said frantically. "When you're ready. I know with this _rape,_ " he spit that word out, "that you will have reservations. I have waited nine hundred years for you, Rose Marion Tyler. I can wait longer. Please just don't tell me no."

_Is he for real?_

I placed my hands on his arms and he sighed, starting to pull away. I gripped him, telling him it was okay. I wasn't pushing him away this time.

"I still haven't forgiven you," I said, "but I want to. And," I said coyly, looking down and then back up through my lashes, "I want to make love to you too. When _I'm_ ready."

I poked the tip of my tongue out and his eyes darted to it. I felt a sudden heat between us.

"Then be prepared, Ms. Tyler," he said as his voice deepened. "For I assure you, I will never get enough of you."

And with that, he smashed his lips to mine hungrily.

* * *


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.

There will never be a greater sensation than kissing the Doctor. His lips were strong, melded perfectly with mine. The kiss was hard too, as though he was trying to devour me. I felt his tongue press at the crease in my lips and I allowed him access. He moaned as we began a fight for dominance with our tongues.

A vision of Sean on top of me flashed in my head. My eyes flew open and I pushed back, gently.

The Doctor's lips chased mine as I broke the kiss. I stared into his eyes.

"Sorry," I said. I slowly unlocked myself from his grip, a difficult thing to do as he held me so tightly. "I just had Sean flash in my head while you were kissing me." I turned to face him. "That aggressiveness was like him."

The Doctor ran a hand through his hair and looked at me. "I would _never_ do that."

"Oh I know," I said quickly. "I believe you. But I'm damaged goods now."

He took a step towards me. "You are not."

I nodded. "I bet you can't even look at me without thinking 'she was raped.' Can you?"

He sighed. "Absolutely. Believe me, you're _not_ damaged goods." He took another step towards me and took my hand. "I meant what I said, I desperately want to make love to you. I wouldn't if I thought you were 'damaged.'"

Cocking my head to the side, I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Does it bother you that Sean got there first? That although it was through violence, he still shagged me? That his mouth covered mine and he gripped my breasts?"

The Doctor closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. When he spoke, his voice was low.

"Yes, Rose. It does bother me. _No man_ should do that to a woman, least of all the one who has my hearts. I can't stand the thought of him on top of you, _inside you,_ but I know it wasn't consensual. That is the only reason why I have not torn the TARDIS apart."

The machine hummed in disapproval.

"She wouldn't let you."

He nodded and squeezed my hand. "Quite right."

I looked down at our entwined hands. I had missed the feeling so much. A tear rolled down my cheek and I felt his finger on my chin, slowly pushing my head up.

"Doctor," I said with a whimper in my voice.

He pulled me into a bone-crushing hug. I wrapped my arms around his waist and wept. He placed kisses on the top of my head and let me have my cry. He held me so close. It was so comforting, just being back in his arms.

After I thought I was all cried out, I pulled back. His eyes were sad.

"I'm so sorry," I said.

He shook his head. "Don't apologize, Rose. He took something from you, something that I will always hate him for." He brought a hand up and cupped my cheek. "I hope someday I can replace that memory with a pleasant one. Then you will _know_ what love is."

I sighed. "I just need a little time."

He nodded. "As I said, I waited over nine hundred years, I can wait longer." He placed a chaste kiss on my lips. "I think we need to get you home; Jackie and Pete are probably worried."

"Oh my god, yes!"

He laughed and walked to the console, keeping my hand in his. "How did you even know how to find me?"

He looked at me, blood coloring his cheeks. "I may have been…checking up on you."

I pulled my hand away. "Spying?"

He nodded. "Sort of. I had to make sure you were alright. If I saw anything that had distressed you, I would have ended Sean on the spot."

"Were you in the courtroom?"

His eyes met mine. "Yes."

My breath left me. "So I wasn't imagining things?"

The Doctor shook his head. "No. I was there. I had to do everything in my power to restrain myself from running up and killing him. Seeing you break down on the stand sobered me."

He moved a strand of hair behind my ear. "It was so warming to hear that you still loved me. As I do you. I began to have hope then."

I nodded slowly. I would ask him about that night in the shadows some other time.

He turned back to the console and typed the coordinates in. Within seconds, we landed.

* * *

Mum was standing in shock when I came through the doorway and the Doctor was behind me. He smiled at her and she reached up and slapped him. I couldn't hide my smile.

"I deserved that," he said.

"You deserve a lot more than that," mum said.

He sighed and hung his head. "You're right Jackie. I do. But please believe me when I say that I needed Rose safe. If I had thought I was the best choice at the time, she wouldn't have left." He raised his eyes to mine. "I have suffered much over the time she has been gone. I have suffered much heartbreak. She is the only thing that matters to me." His eyes met hers. "And I'll not let her go again."

Mum raised her hand as though to slap him again and I grabbed her arm. "Enough mum."

He stepped into the foyer and looked around. "I'll give you the tour."

Mum just stared at me. "You're letting him stay?"

I nodded. "It's my house, I can do what I want. And right now, he's getting a tour."

I showed him around quickly. The house wasn't that big so there weren't many rooms. I pointed to the guest room.

"You can stay here."

He nodded. His eyes understood.

I heard the door slam downstairs and then Mickey's voice boomed up. The Doctor flew ahead of me to see him.

Mickey stopped short.

"You?!"

The Doctor held his hand out. "Mickey!"

Mickey stared at him. His eyes narrowed.

_Please don't make a scene._

He took the Doctor's hand.

"Welcome back," he said quietly. Then turning to me, he released the Doctor's hand. "You have to turn on the news!"

"Why?"

Mickey led us into the living room where the telly was. I stayed away from the spot where I was raped and I felt the Doctor wrap an arm around my waist. As though he knew.

The newscaster had interrupted soccer for an announcement.

"This morning, the body of convicted rapist Sean Davis was found in his cell. Davis had just been found guilty on four counts of criminal rape and was deemed to carry out a life sentence. Reports from the prison announced that there was no sign of forced entry into the cell, nor leaving. But Davis's neck had been broken by someone with acute strength. We are interviewing cellmates and will return later with an update."

I didn't realize the breath had left me until I had to suck in a lot of air. The Doctor's arm never left me, but had started to draw circles on my hip in comfort.

"He's dead," I said quietly.

"Hallejuah!" Mum said.

Mickey looked at us. "Yeah."

My breathing regulated and I turned to the kitchen. _My rapist was dead._ I decided I needed some tea.

"Do you want me to come?" the Doctor asked softly. Just at that moment, Tony bounded into the room.

"Mummy, who's that?"

I smiled. "No, I think you should stay and meet my little brother."

I put the kettle on and pulled out four mugs. _What a day. First, I try killing myself. Then the Doctor returns. Then I find out my rapist is dead. I will definitely need my therapist later._

Mickey entered the kitchen and approached me.

"Rose," he said quietly. "I think…."

I looked at him as I added the right amount of sugar to my tea. "Yes?"

He let out a breath. "I think the Doctor had something to do with Sean's death."

I continued my task. "What, like killing him?"

"Yes."

I stopped my ministrations and looked at him. Mickey was serious. "I think he killed Sean. How else would someone have gotten into the cell without someone seeing?"

I just watched Mickey as he continued. "I watched him as the report went on. His face was stoic, no emotion. As though he has no remorse. Or that he was surprised."

I handed Mickey a cuppa and picked up the tray that the rest were on. I walked past him and almost out the door when he spoke.

"Rose!"

I turned my head to him.

"If he did Mickey, then more power to him. Sean was an evil man and he's dead. He can't hurt anyone anymore. The Doctor did the world a favor. I'm sorry if I have no remorse for my rapist."

I turned and walked back into the living room, carrying the tray. The Doctor took it from me and then enveloped me in his arms, kissing the top of my head.

My Doctor was back.

* * *


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all who have followed this story. It has taken some twists and turns that I wasn't expecting, but you have to be flexible when writing, don't you?
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.

_I was running frantically. The pounding was getting louder and louder. As though it was encroaching on me and about to get me. All I could see in front of me was darkness._

_Pound. Pound. Pound. Pound._

_I felt something grab my wrist. I yanked it free and continued to run. I stumbled over nothing and went tumbling down, down. So far down._

_Into the blackness. Into the void._

_I heard a voice say…._

" _If you talk to Rose, just tell her…tell her…oh she knows."_

_Knows what?_

_The pounding was following me as I fell._

_Pound. Pound. Pound. Pound._

_So far. I fell so far. I hit the bottom, but it didn't feel like a hard impact. In fact, it was gentle. As though I had landed on a cloud._

_I opened my eyes to see Sean's face in front of me. I screamed, but no sound came out. I felt my clothes ripping as he repeated "blondes are such a tease" and "I bet you're tight." I felt something foreign inside of me and a hand over my mouth. I felt every pore in me being violated as Sean continued his ministrations._

_A whisper, saying "give her back to me." Then nothing._

_Sean removed his hand from my mouth for a second and I screamed again. This time, I made noise. And I was loud._

My door was flown open and strong hands were upon me, on my shoulders, gently shaking me. I lashed out, making contact with a nose, before his voice began registering in my head.

"Rose," the Doctor said gently. "Rose, it's me. It's the Doctor. You're safe."

_Give her back to me._

Same voice.

I began to slow my ministrations, recognizing the electricity flowing through me and the comfort of his voice. My eyes flew open and looked directly into his.

"Hello," he said softly.

I startled, just that he was that close. Then everything dawned on me and I sat up, shaking. He pulled me to him and I rested my head on his left shoulder. Tears that I didn't know I had shed were streaming down my face.

"Shhh, it's okay. I've got you."

He just continued to hold me, rocking us gently as I calmed down. My breathing returned to normal and the tears stopped. I felt bad for dampening his night shirt, but I knew he wouldn't care.

He began to sing quietly to me while running his hand through my hair.

" _Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around._

_Nothing's gonna harm you, no sir, not while I'm around._

_Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays._

_I'll send them howling, I don't care._

_I got ways…."_

I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked at him. His eyes were warm and full of that emotion that I questioned earlier. He smiled at me.

" _No one's gonna hurt you,_

_No one's gonna dare._

_Others can desert you,_

_Not to worry, whistle_

_I'll be there….."_

I brought my hand up and gently stroked his cheek.

"Should I continue?" he asked quietly.

I nodded. He had such a beautiful voice.

" _Demons will charm you with a smile,_

_For a while._

_But in time_

_Nothing can harm you,_

_Not while I'm around."_

"Sweeney Todd?"

He looked at me surprised. "Hey you know musicals?"

I shrugged. "Mum took me to see that one when I was fifteen. Creeped me out that they ate people but that song that Mrs. Lovett sang always stayed with me."

He brushed a strand out of my face. "I felt it appropriate for the occasion."

I smiled.

He stared into my eyes for a moment, that expression never leaving.

"Want to talk about it?"

I shook my head. "Not just yet. Had to do with Sean though."

He tensed. I saw something flash behind his eyes and then it was gone.

He pulled me closer to him. "I'm so sorry."

"Your voice was in the dream too. As though it was comforting me."

_Like he has always been my lifeline._

He began tracing circles on my back as he held me. "I'm glad I can now."

I nodded against his neck.

We sat like that for a bit before I was calm enough to try to sleep again. He released me slowly and tucked me in.

"Sleep tight, my beautiful Rose."

He kissed my forehead and left the room, this time leaving the door open in case I needed him.

No more nightmares for the rest of the night.

* * *

I awoke to the smell of coffee brewing. Pretending that I didn't have to get up, I buried my face into the pillow again.

"Five more minutes" I told it.

Exactly five minutes later, the Doctor lightly rapped on the open door. I mumbled.

"Coffee's ready, Rose."

I slowly unburrowed from my blankets and lifted my head up. He was by the bed with a smile on his face.

"Good morning, beautiful."

I snorted. Then I rose into a sitting position and repositioned the pillows.

"How did you sleep?" I asked him.

"Well," he replied. "I actually needed it. Too much time travel," he said lightly. He sat on the edge of the bed.

"No such thing."

I pulled the covers back to let him know I was getting up.

"Rose," he said.

I turned to him. "Yes, Doctor."

I could tell something was worrying him. I guessed it had to do with my nightmare.

I was right.

"Do you have those dreams often?"

I shrugged and pulled my legs to my chest. "Not all the time. But more often than I care to admit. My shrink says that's normal and they will fade with time."

He nodded. I very rarely saw the Doctor nervous. He looked at me and then down at his hands.

"What?" I asked him.

"I lied before," he said softly. "I had a nightmare too."

My eyes grew wide. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I was more concerned about you."

I reached out and took his hand. "What was yours about?"

He looked at me. "Sean raping you. And I couldn't get to you. I was forced to watch it, trapped in the TARDIS."

I sucked in a breath. I would have asked how he knew what Sean looked like, but then I remembered he saw the news report yesterday.

"I think the news yesterday put us both on edge."

He nodded and squeezed my hand. "Let's not try to think of it, if possible."

I nodded. "That sounds good to me!" I released his hand and stood up from the bed. "Just give me a minute to freshen up and I'll be down?"

"I'll be waiting."

_Charmer._

After closing the door to the loo, I looked in the mirror. My thoughts were of the Doctor.

_How long is he going to stay this time?_

_How long before my PTSD is too much for him?_

_Why did he tell me he loved me yesterday?_

Splashing water on my face, I finished up and headed downstairs.

Smells wafted up as I descended. Delicious smells. I stopped short when I entered the kitchen.

The Doctor had actually put my apron on and was flipping pancakes. He looked up and smiled at me.

"Not too bad, eh?"

I shook my head.

_This is all too domestic for him._

He turned from the pan and handed me coffee, which I drank greedily. He laughed.

"Same old Rose."

Then he pulled me to him and kissed me hard.

My head spun. My internal voice screamed.

_Shut it!_

Looking into his eyes, I saw worry there.

"What?"

He sighed. "It's just…."

_This can't be good._

"Doctor?" I ran my hand gently over his face. He leaned into my touch.

"A former companion of mine, Donna Noble, you remember her? She needs my help back on the other Earth. I really _don't_ want to leave you, but I have no choice." His grip tightened on me and he whispered in my ear. "The Cybermen are back."

I shivered. I wasn't sure if it was because of the news of the Cybermen, or the fact he was so close to my ear. I chocked it up to both.

"When do you leave?" I asked quietly.

He released his grip on me and poured more coffee. Then turned and plated the pancake.

"Tomorrow."

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

He stood outside the TARDIS, kissing me with everything he had. He had one hand in my hair and the other around my waist, pulling me so tightly against him. I swear I felt something hard against my leg.

I kissed him back, my hands in his hair. He groaned into my mouth and deepened our kiss even more than was possible. _How is he not swallowing me whole?_

When I needed air, I gently pushed back slightly.

His eyes were black with lust and he kept me pressed against him. In fact, he shifted so I could feel _exactly_ what it was. My eyes grew wide.

He smirked.

My internal voice screamed.

_Would you shut it?!_ I yelled at it.

"Rose," he said, pressing his forehead to mine and closing his eyes.

"I'm going with you."

He shook his head. "I can't risk losing you again."

"You're leaving me. Again."

He sighed. "I promise I'll come back."

"Yeah, you also promised you wouldn't leave me the first time." I spat back.

His eyes flew open and he looked into mine. When he saw the determination in my eyes, he nodded, still against my forehead. Then he kissed it.

"I always have a hard time saying no to you," he whispered.

I smiled. Releasing me from his embrace, he took my hand and led me into the TARDIS. She hummed appreciatevely.

"Hey girl," I said with a smile.

The Doctor set the coordinates on the console and looked at me.

"Strap in, it's going to be a bumpy ride."

Doing just that, the TARDIS jumped into life. I felt us take some weird turns and I looked at him. He was keeping his focus on the monitor. He frowned.

"I take it we're not on course?"

"Oh we're on course. I just didn't realize that we would be arriving right in the middle of the invasion. I wanted to have more time to prepare."

I looked at him. "Time machine."

"Dimension cannon," he replied.

After a few more jerks and turns, we landed. I was glad I was strapped in because that was a pretty rocky landing. He ran his hand through his hair and turned to me.

"Remember, you're dead on this Earth."

I nodded, pain slicing through my heart. "What shall I be called?"

He looked into my eyes. "Rose Smith?"

I smiled and nodded. He took my hand and picked up a cell phone.

"Hello, Donna. Yes, I'm here. And I have brought her." He smiled at me and then pulled me to the doors.

"Ready?"

I grinned.

Opening the doors, we stepped out onto the original Earth. It smelled the same. I took a deep breath and looked around.

A redhead stood in front of us. The Doctor gave her a big hug. Then she turned to me. She smiled widely. I pulled her into a hug.

"He found you."

I smiled. "It's good to see you again, Donna."

"The same, Rose Tyler. You do know, I hope, that you are the love of his life."

I glanced at him but couldn't read the expression in his eyes.

"Believe me," she said, "he was hurting so much after he lost you. I kept telling him to find you. I'm so glad he finally did."

I smiled. I liked Donna when I first met her but even more so now. She definitely was a good friend to him.

"So," the Doctor said, running a hand through his unruly hair. "What is ready for us, Donna?"

She turned to him. "Everything is as you asked. We're going to send those metal things back to their planet." She then turned to me. "I hope this won't be too much of a trigger for you."

_She knows._

I recalled the memory of when I was floating through the void, hearing the Doctor yelling for me and being unable to stop it. The first time we were separated.

I shook my head. "I'll do whatever I can."

"Right, let's go." The Doctor turned on his heel and we followed behind quietly.

He needed time to think; I knew that. He was probably reliving the memory, same as me, and figuring out how he was going to prevent it from happening again. I was already devising a plan to get the Cybermen off of Earth. I felt a jolt of something inside my body, something warm and electric.

We walked to the location Donna provided and looked around. I saw a brick wall which I assumed was going to be where we were sending the Cybermen through. She had set up triggers at each location.

"Everything is set," Donna said. "When they make it anywhere into the area, we hit the trigger and it will trap them. Then you hit the switch at that point," she pointed to a lever about ten feet from us. "And the vortex will open, causing them to be sucked in."

"Brilliant Donna," he said. She smiled.

"We need to bait them," I said. I immediately turned in the direction they were coming, having heard them.

"Rose, no."

I turned to him. "I'll be fine." I ran off before he could say another word. Seeing the Cybermen, I made myself visible.

"Hello! Yes, you there. Tin men. Come get me!" I jumped up and down, getting their attention.

They changed course and began following me. "Delete, delete" they chanted over and over.

I was so happy I had worn my trainers today. I turned and ran towards the staging area. Before I could make it, I stumbled. One of the Cybermen caught me by my arms. They crowded me. I heard the Doctor screaming for me.

"Rose!"

* * *

"Now!" I shouted.

I heard the hum of one of the triggers being pushed. I broke free of the Cyberman's grip and sprinted. I ducked as I passed the trigger. He became caught in it.

"Ha!" The Doctor said gleefully. I ran up to him and threw my arms around his neck. He kissed me fiercely.

"Snog later," Donna said. I blushed.

The rest of the Cybermen approached. Each getting trapped in the light when we hit the triggers. The Doctor hovered above the lever.

"This is the last time I will deal with you," he said sternly. "Return to your dimension and never bother Earth again." His hand was about to pull the lever when one spoke.

"Bad Wolf."

The two of us froze and looked at them.

"Bad Wolf. Bad Wolf. Bad Wolf."

They were chanting bad wolf over and over again. The Doctor looked at me and I nodded. He flipped the lever.

The vortex opened and they started being pulled in it. And then I felt myself being pulled. The memory of last time flashed in my head. The Doctor reached for me, crying out my name.

Too late.

I flew through the void and as I did, I felt a warm sensation in my body. I began to glow and was pulled away from the vortex. It closed on the Doctor and Donna but I could still see them.

"I just got her back!" the Doctor cried. Donna took him in her arms.

"I'm so sorry," she said. Then they heard a crack. They turned to the wall and saw it crumble. I stood before them, glowing.

"I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself."

The Doctor's jaw went slack. "R-Rose?"

I looked at him. "There are more coming. You are not safe."

Cybermen flooded the area. The Doctor and Donna looked around.

"Bad wolf," they chanted. I raised my hand and light flew from it.

"You have disturbed the Bad Wolf. You will be destroyed."

"Rose, no!"

Light hit a Cyberman and he collapsed. The void behind me began to open again. I was planted to the ground.

I repeated the words to him that I said oh so long ago.

"I want you safe, my Doctor."

Donna frowned at not having been acknowledged but I paid her no mind.

Then I stepped back into the void and the Cybermen flew forward, unable to stop. The Doctor could only watch in terror. Donna held him.

As the Bad Wolf had taken over, I was stronger than any void. It continued to blow around me, trapping the Cybermen. I even saw the Doctor and Donna reach out and grab something to hold on to. I did not have to do anything. I just stood and watched, eyes and skin glowing.

Once the Cybermen were all accounted for, I turned in the void. "You will not return. You will be forever trapped in this void. Small price to pay for the lives you've taken. Bad Wolf has spoken."

The void lit up and suddenly, they were all gone. I was back on Earth, the Doctor and Donna breathing heavily behind me. I was no longer glowing. I turned to face them.

And then I collapsed.

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual situations in this chapter, you have been warned.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.

I was in the Tardis library, wracking my brain for baby names.

Brenda had called me this morning and told me that she had been holding onto a secret; she was pregnant with Sean's child. I cried with her and asked if she was going to keep it. She said she was and wanted my help with baby names for girls. So I sat making a list.

My mind wandered back to two days ago when I visited the other planet Earth and helped stop the Cybermen invasion. I remembered my transformation again into Bad Wolf and the Doctor helped fill in the fuzzy parts. I know that the threat was over and when I collapsed, Bad Wolf went dormant. He thought he had taken it all out of me, but was wrong. Secretly, I liked that it was still with me. It meant that it could be used if necessary. I wanted to be powerful for him and for my family.

I had spent the last two days on the Tardis with him hovering around me. As draining as it was, I felt that the two days of bedrest was uncalled for, but he wouldn't hear anything different. I sighed. I knew a part of what he was doing was trying to make up for him leaving me. It would take a lot more than that, but at least it was a start.

So two days later, I was in still in the Tardis; the Doctor deciding to just have us float in the vortex for a while, thinking of baby names. I looked at the list of ten.

"I think she'll like these," I said to the room.

The Tardis hummed.

"Like what?" the Doctor asked as he came into the room. I jumped.

"Sorry," he said as he approached and pulled me into a hug. My arms immediately wrapped around his waist. "I was just wondering where you had off to."

I shrugged against him. "You were doing repairs; I thought it best to leave you to it. I wanted to spend some time in the library. I missed it. I missed her."

He kissed the top of my head. "She missed you, too."

The Tardis hummed in agreement.

Suddenly he froze. I looked up at him and his brown eyes were wide. He was looking down. I followed his gaze and sucked in a breath.

"Rose?" he asked slowly. "What is that?"

"Baby names," I said simply. He turned to me, fear in his eyes.

"You're not?"

His look and the comment sent my mind back to the first time I was trapped on Bad Wolf Bay, when he asked that same thing when I mentioned "the baby." The fear on his face before I confessed that it was mum pregnant with Tony. I rolled my eyes internally. _Can't be pregnant when you'd never done anything, you daft alien._

This was different, I knew that.

I shook my head. "No Doctor, I'm not." His eyes roamed over me as though confirming. This time, I _did_ roll my eyes. I took his hands in mine.

"Doctor, I would be about five months along now. I think I would be starting to show." I watched as he exhaled a sigh of relief.

"Thank Rassilon."

I raised an eyebrow. "Would it have been so bad if I was?"

He squeezed my hands. "Don't get me wrong, Rose. If you were, I would love the child. Completely. But I hate the thought that it could have been Sean's." His grip grew stronger. "I hate that he got there first."

I squeezed back. "It's not like it was consensual."

He nodded. "I know that, believe me, I do. But the thought of _any_ man being close to you, showing affection, kissing you, making love to you…."

I tilted my head and waited for him to continue. He closed his eyes. "I know when I left you on that beach I wanted you to have a life. And I meant that. I knew that meant moving on. And although a part of me _did_ want that, a bigger part of me hoped it would never happen." He opened his eyes and looked at me. "I tortured myself quite thoroughly, thinking of you with another man."

I smiled slightly at that. "The Doctor jealous?"

He pulled me close to him. "You damn right."

I chuckled. And then repeated. "But Sean wasn't consensual."

Wrapping his arms around my waist, he sighed. "I know, and believe me, that angers me to no end. Even knowing what he did to you, I still can't help feeling jealous." Color flooded his cheeks. "I've wanted to make love to you for so long. Even when you were my companion. I had lost count of how many times I thought about it. Every time you wore a new outfit, I had to stop myself from ripping it off of you and taking you in the console room." He looked down. "I almost did when you wore that pink number."

I chuckled.

"Too long I've waited for you," he said softly.

Reaching up, I pulled his lips to mine. He immediately sought entry into my mouth and I allowed it, fighting for dominance. My hands wound into his hair, earning a groan from him. I smiled against his mouth. He tilted my head slightly to deepen the kiss while his hands roamed my body.

I could tell this situation was different. My inner voice was actually quiet. It was as though every fiber of my being wanted this. Wanted _him._

His lips moved to my neck when I needed to breathe. He landed on the pulse point as I tried, and failed, to rein in my desire. Was it too soon? Yes. But it wasn't. And god! It felt so good to be wanted.

Pressing me impossibly closer against him, I could feel him. _All_ of him. Hard as a rock. I knew that his pants must be fairly constricting with a bulge like that. I gently placed my hand over him. He bit down on my shoulder.

"Rose," his voice said, deeply. "What are you doing?"

I grinned and pulled his head back to look at me. His eyes were completely black. I continued to run my hand over him, watching him exhale and his eyes flutter closed. I smirked.

"Enjoying this?"

The table I was in front of moved because he had thrown me against it so hard when he kissed me in response.

It was as though he literally wanted to devour me. And while I did want to just tease him, my body was screaming for him. I couldn't believe I was doing this, so soon after the rape, but I knew it was right. He wasn't Sean; I knew he would never violate me in that way. And I had wanted his touch for so long. I wanted to make him feel good and for him to make me feel desired. And maybe, just maybe, a part of me would forget the rape for a bit. To know what tenderness and love felt like instead of violence and fear.

"Take me to bed," I whispered in his ear.

Next thing I knew, I was on his bed. _How did he get here so fast?_ I was about to ask that when he began tugging at my sweater. I raised up and flung it off. Then I reached for his shirt, thankful he had forgone the tie this time. His jacket was probably in the console room.

He kissed me again as his hands traced the outline of my bra. I leaned forward slightly so that he could unclasp it and then he gently pulled it off. I felt self-conscious for a moment as he looked down at me, but then he brought a hand to my right breast and massaged it gently.

"You're so beautiful, Rose."

My eyes fluttered shut at his words. I sucked in a breath when I felt his mouth on my nipple, making it taut. His other hand worked on my left breast until he decided that needed the same amount of attention. I was squirming under his touch.

"Doc-Doctor."

He smirked at me, tongue circling my nipple before nipping gently. I let out a soft howl at that.

The Doctor moved back up to my mouth, kissing me deeply.

"I mean it, Rose. You are beautiful. I have always thought so, from the very first moment."

I kissed him in response while tugging at his pants. I managed to get the belt undone before he disappeared for a moment. While he was working on them, I removed mine. I lay, completely naked, on the bed before him. He gave a low whistle.

"Rassilon, help me." He whispered quietly.

I raised my head to look at him as he just drank me in. Once again, I became self-conscious.

"Am I okay?" I knew there were still a few scars from where Sean had been, but otherwise I didn't have any boils or anything.

"Rose, I was wrong," he said, voice low. He resumed his position over me and kissed me gently. "You're not beautiful. You are fucking gorgeous."

My whole body turned a shade of pink. I glanced down, unable to take the motion in his eyes when I saw _it._ My eyes grew wide and they flew back up to his. He smirked.

"Wow," was all I could say. He chuckled. Then he kissed my neck.

"Tell me to stop, and I will," he whispered. I nodded. He was making me aware that I didn't have to do this, or do it for him. He was proving to me that he was what I already knew, nothing like Sean.

I reached out and gently grasped him, starting to stroke downwards and then up again.

"Rose!" he cried out, stopping his movements. His eyes closed as I continued my ministrations.

"Just enjoy."

I began stroking him faster, watching his face change with the pleasure running through him and hearing his breath change. I was unhinging a Time Lord. He began trembling and I knew he was getting close to his limit.

I pulled him forward and put him in my mouth, sucking hard.

He let out an audible gasp as I continued to lick and suck him, circling his tip with my tongue. His trembling increased and his breath was shallow.

"Rose," he warned. "I'm about to…."

And he came in my mouth. I greedily lapped it up; it seemed never ending. I smiled as his orgasm faded, glad that _I_ was the one who had done that to him.

His breathing returned to normal after a bit; I'm guessing his respiratory bypass had kicked in. He opened his eyes and looked down at me. They were an onyx black.

"You're gonna pay for that."

I giggled as he kissed his way down to the spot that was aching the most. He placed himself there and looked at me.

"Tell me to stop, and I will," he repeated. I nodded.

Then he took a long swipe of my folds with his tongue. I squeezed my eyes shut and arched my back.

I knew the Doctor would be experienced in all things, but wow. It was as though he was made to do this exactly for me. Mickey was never this good, nor did he actually want to. It was more like in and out and on to watch football. The Doctor took his time, savoring me. Actually making me feel like he _did_ truly miss me.

When he began sucking on my clit, I felt my orgasm starting. It was way different from the one I had had in my bed. This began at the tip of my toes and worked its way up, all the way. He continued to lick and suck, varying it up, until it became too much.

My orgasm came crashing down in waves.

As I came back to wherever we were in the universe, he crawled back up to me and kissed me softly. He lined himself up and looked into my eyes.

"Last chance."

I shook my head and brought a hand to stroke his cheek. "I want this as much as you do, my Doctor. I love you."

His eyes were so full of affection. "I love you back, Rose Tyler."

And then he slowly pushed his way in.

I gripped his arms and arched my back as I adjusted to his size. Being the first one inside me since the rape, and reconstructive surgery, he was quite tight. But that made it all the better.

He held still until I nodded. Then he began moving inside me, slowly, never breaking my gaze. He lowered his head and kissed me, gently at first but it grew harder.

I wrapped my legs around his middle, driving him in deeper, and he groaned against my lips. I smiled and ran a hand through his hair, which was now starting to dampen because of the sweat.

"Like that?" I asked with a smirk. He growled in response and increased the speed slightly.

The whole "make love" scenario was accurate. He never went too fast, taking his time in savoring every aspect of me. He really did make me feel as though he needed me. Even when I pushed him in deeper, deeper than anyone had been, he still kept up the same pace. He hardly left my lips. But yet, every move was sensual and loving. I had never felt that he truly loved me until this moment. Everything he felt for me came pouring out. I kissed him back with all my might; hoping to convey to him how much he meant to me.

I could feel another orgasm starting and by the way he had started trembling, he was too. I ran my hands through his hair, eliciting a groan from him as he groped my left breast again. Moving his head to the right one, his tongue circled the nipple and then he worked on the underside of it, which pushed my orgasm over the hill.

I never thought the Doctor would be able to do this. He always reserved himself. Though, a part of me thought he still was. I bet that he was holding back for some reason, that Time Lords really knew how to fuck. But I didn't care about that at the moment.

He joined me in his orgasm, repeating my name as he hit the hilt. After it subsided, he laid his head on my chest, my hands in his hair. I felt his erratic breathing start to shift and I'm guessing the respiratory bypass kicked off.

After pulling out, he pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me. I laid my hands on his chest, feeling his double heartbeats.

"Rose," he breathed out. "That was…."

I smiled. "I know."

He stroked my hair. "You have _no_ idea how often I wanted to make love to you. My fantasies only increased after I lost you."

I began drawing circles on his chest. "You were holding back, weren't you?"

He stopped for a moment and his eyes met mine. "Y-yes."

"Why?"

He sighed. "If I lose complete control, it will be feral. Primal. I don't know if you could handle that, especially since your surgery."

I nodded against his shoulder. "Try it next time. If it's too much, I'll let you know."

He lowered his head and kissed me deeply. "I love you, Rose Tyler."

And I believed him when he said it.

* * *


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A sexual situation in this chapter as well.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.

I snuggled closer to the pillow. It was warm, which I thought was odd. But I wasn't awake enough to care. My right arm stretched out across the mattress.

The mattress sighed.

My eyes flew open.

I was in bed, but the Doctor's bed. And I was basically lying on top of him. My head was on his chest, my right arm now resting across his body. I watched the rise and fall of his chest. I could tell he was asleep.

Moving my head to look at him, I found the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. His face was calm and peaceful. He really looked happy, actually. I moved my right hand to gently trace the lines of his face, careful to not wake him.

I remembered the night before. I finally believed him when he said he loved me. He proved it to me by the way he made love to me. I blushed at that. I couldn't believe that so soon after the rape I was in bed with him. But it felt _so_ right. That inner voice had quieted down. It was as though it accepted it, accepted him. His touch. Which is what I had wanted.

My hand gently brushed over his eyelids. He murmured something. I smiled. I couldn't make out what he had said, assuming it was in Gallifreyan. I reached up and gently placed a kiss on his nose.

"Rose," he murmured, pulling me closer. I smiled again and laid my head back down on his chest. Before closing my eyes, I saw the sheet that had found its way to his hips. I smirked at thinking about _what_ was under there, what had previously been inside me. I was happy I had been the one to give him pleasure when I touched him. He felt so right both in my hand and in my mouth. I had never been one for oral sex, but I realized it was because I never had the right partner. Jimmy made me do it in order for me to avoid a beating. Mickey I didn't care enough about to do it.

But this was different. Because I loved him. I wanted him to experience _how_ much. And if that meant oral sex, I was more than happy to comply. He tasted different too. Unlike the bitter metal taste that human men have, he had a citrusy taste. I was planning on swallowing more of that later today, when we were both awake.

Images of last night flashed through my mind as I fell back asleep, warm and safe in the Doctor's embrace.

* * *

The Doctor was gently running his right hand up and down my back when I came to. I stretched and cuddled closer.

"Good morning, beautiful."

"Mmmpph," I mumbled. He chuckled.

"Can we stay like this all day?"

His left hand found my chin and gently raised it to him. Even with my eyes still closed, I felt him press a soft kiss to my lips.

"If you wish."

I smiled and opened my eyes. His brown ones were warm and sparkling, with a hint of mischievousness in them.

"You're up to something," I said. He feigned offense.

"What? Why would you say that?"

I laughed and kissed him quickly. "Because you have that look in your eye."

Placing his left hand behind my head, he pulled me in for a deep, passionate kiss. Neither of us were in any hurry to break it and I held out as long as I could before I had to breathe. I inhaled deeply before attacking his mouth again. His tongue fought for dominance in my mouth and I acquiesced, enjoying this bit of possessiveness about him.

The kiss soon turned heated as our hands began roaming down each other's bodies. He moved to my neck and nipped lightly at my pulse point, while I stroked his chest. When my right hand started moving further south, he stopped me.

"You don't have to," he said in my ear.

"I know."

I whipped the sheet away and placed my hand over him. I watched intently as he fell back on the pillow as my movements started. When I ran my thumb over his tip, his eyes rolled back in his head.

I smirked. _I_ had done that to him.

"Liking?" I whispered.

"Oh, yes."

I continued my ministrations as I kissed him. I started at his lips and then moved down, kissing his chin, his Adam's apple, his chest, running my tongue over both nipples (and eliciting a hiss from him) and further south. When I found my prize, I looked up at him.

His eyes were open and looking at me, but they were hooded. I gently lowered my head and took a long lick of his tip, eliciting another hiss. Then I stuck him in my mouth as far as he could go and slowly withdrew him back out.

It was so much fun, watching the Doctor, who was usually so controlled about everything, become undone. He was hissing and moaning as I continued to take him deeply into my mouth. I watched his head thrash around on the pillow and his hands weave into my hair. I could feel him tensing as he was coming close to his release and I added my other hand to stroke the frenulum.

"Rassilon!" he exclaimed loudly. I chuckled and did it again. His cock was hard, so hard. I smiled at it being inside me last night, hoping that it would be again soon, and repeated my movements. I felt it tense and his breathing hitch as he found his release.

_Like lemonade,_ I thought.

It went on for a while. I didn't realize that Time Lords could orgasm longer than humans. It literally lasted a few minutes, but I didn't care. I lapped all of him up. Then I crawled back up and placed my head on the pillow beside him.

His eyes were closed and he was trying to control his breathing. After a moment, he slowly opened them and turned his head towards me.

"Rose," he said in a serious tone.

I froze. Was it too much? Had somehow I overstepped? I didn't think there were boundaries, given that he had finally had sex last night, but maybe I was wrong. But he could have stopped me.

He turned on his side and pressed his lips to mine. "I love you," he told me. I relaxed.

"So it was okay?"

"The fact that I am rendered useless for the moment should tell you."

I laughed and kissed him again. "I took down the last of the Time Lords."

He sniggered. "All with only her mouth."

I would have continued but my stomach growled. Giggling, I left the warmth of the bed.

"Just gonna get us something to eat, I'll be back. I fully plan on staying in bed all day."

"Good," he said, his eyes roaming over my naked body. "Because I fully intend on using this bed all day."

Although no one else was on the TARDIS, I still felt like I needed to cover up. I opened his closet for a robe. He put his hands behind his head as he watched me.

When my eyes fell on it, I froze.

The blue suit.

My mind flashed back to the day of the trial, when he had been there. I fingered it.

"You okay?"

I turned to him. "When did you get this?" I said, pointing at it. He shrugged.

"Not long after I lost you. Blue is the color of mourning on Gallifrey and I wanted to honor you."

I nodded slowly. "That's sweet."

"It's the truth."

I turned back to it and fingered it again. "You look good in blue," I said over my shoulder.

He chuckled.

Then I remembered what Mickey had said. "Did you kill Sean?"

He stared at me. I began to apologize. He climbed out of bed and approached me slowly. He stared into my eyes.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have. I know you wouldn't…."

"Yes."

I choked on air as I stared back at him. He was being completely truthful to me. Slowly, his thumb began stroking the apple of my cheek.

"He hurt you. I couldn't stand it. I would do anything for you, Rose."

I smiled. "Thank you."

He stuttered, not expecting that response. "What?"

I wrapped my arms around his waist and placed my head against his chest. His arms immediately encircled me and he held me to him.

"Thank you," I repeated.

"You-you're not angry?"

I shook my head against his chest. "Why would I be? He was a horrible person. I was not the first one. He deserved what he got." I squeezed him harder. "My Time Lord did the world a favor."

He let out a breath that he had been holding. "You are so amazing Rose."

"I know." He chuckled.

"I mean it. I was scared, actually. Scared that you would hate me if you found out. Ever since I lost you, my darkness has returned. I told you that you saved me. You made me better. Without you, I found myself spiraling back down into how I used to be. When I heard what happened, something snapped. I knew, without a doubt, that I would kill him and not feel any remorse. Maybe that's wrong, because I try to save lives. Hell, I've even tried to prevent the Daleks from dying. But because it was something that happened to you, the woman I will always love, things changed. I was not about to let him walk this parallel Earth anymore. The monster inside me reared his head."

I lifted up and placed a kiss on his lips. "You're not a monster. I know you wouldn't do it unless you had to. I thank you. We are better off without him."

He kissed me back. "So do you like the suit?"

I shrugged. "Takes some getting used to."

He smiled and pulled me into another hug. I felt warmth course all through my body and I was keenly aware that we were both naked.

Pulling away, I turned to the closet again. "I don't really feel like going to the kitchen naked, even if the TARDIS wouldn't care. Mind if I use a robe?"

After dressing, we made breakfast and returned to his bedroom. As the Doctor began sucking on my neck, all thought of Sean and monsters disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!

Two days later, he dropped me at home. He said he had a job he had to take care of in the other dimension but wouldn't tell me what it was. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I promise I'll return," he said. He even gave me his sonic screwdriver as proof.

"Won't you need this?" I asked, looking down at it.

He shrugged.

"Keep it," he said when he saw me warring with myself. I couldn't let him keep it, what if he needed it? Then again, while a part of me believed he would return, another part of me wanted that insurance.

We embraced at my front door, neither of us wanting to let the other go. His phone rang. He sighed and answered it, still keeping me against him.

"Yes, I will be there. I am saying goodbye to the woman I love. Everything else can wait."

He disconnected the call and put the phone back in his pocket. He lifted my chin so I could see his eyes.

"I promise, with all that I am, I will return. I cannot guarantee how much Earth time will pass, but I will be back. Now that I have you again, Rose, I am not about to lose you." He placed a kiss on my forehead. "Besides, we were planning on some sexual endeavors and I very much want to do them."

I chuckled. He lowered his lips to mine and kissed me softly. It was promise of return. I kissed him back and his hands wound his way into my hair. He deepened the kiss and things escalated.

He pulled back after I wrapped my arms around his neck. His eyes were hooded.

"Not that I don't want to continue this and shag you senseless, because believe me, the only thing keeping me from doing so are the neighbors," he said as he looked around. "But I do have to go. I love you, Rose Tyler. From the moment we met, you had my hearts. I will spend the rest of my days loving you, no matter how many regenerations I go through. I promise to return to you, but as I love you, I need to make sure you are safe. That is what I am doing now, keeping you safe."

He placed a kiss on my nose. "I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise."

He kissed both of my hands and then let me go. I whimpered at the loss of contact and watched him walk away from me, to the TARDIS. Unlocking the door, he turned to me and waved. I waved back.

Then he was gone.

The TARDIS whirred and then faded into nothing. My shoulders sagged and I let out the tears I had been holding. I sat on my step and wept for five minutes before deciding to go into the house.

Mail had been piled up in a corner so I sat and sifted through it. I had an invite to Brenda's baby shower, which I filled out and put in the "to mail" file. My mind began wandering. I thought about what it would be like to have the Doctor's baby. He had told me a while ago that our DNA was not compatible with each other for conceiving. For all intents and purposes, it would be like making love to a monkey ( _or stupid ape_ , I thought with a smirk). He said it didn't bother him because he saw me as so much more than just that. But to his people, that is what I would be.

" _We wouldn't be allowed to love each other," he said. "To them, you are a 'lowly human.'"_

_I nodded. "I understand."_

" _That is NOT how I think of you, Rose. You have to know that, especially after all this time. You are not a pet, or inferior to me in any way. You are my equal, and in most cases, superior to me. I would do anything for you that I could. Had we been on Gallifrey, I would continue to love you, regardless of what they thought. I was always a rebel."_

_I snuggled closer to him. He had told me about Gallifrey, the planet and its people. He had even taught me some Gallifreyan back before I had been sucked through the void. I made a mental note to ask him about it again._

I made myself some tea and went and sat by the window to think. So much has happened to me over the last year. I had believed I was permanently broken and nothing would ever change. I had given up on ever returning to the Doctor, especially after he dropped me here the second time. I realized then he didn't want me. And although I still don't agree with him, I do understand why he did it. It was _because_ he loved me. He couldn't guarantee my safety, I knew that. I could easily die someplace or we could encounter the Daleks again. And while that can happen here in the parallel world, the chances were much slimmer.

Sipping my tea, I thought back to our adventures. My favorite one had to be 1953. Yes, my face had been stolen by the wire and I was pretty much rendered useless, but I still loved that adventure. And I loved that pink dress I wore. When I was on the TARDIS the other day, I went looking for it but to no avail. The TARDIS had informed me that after he lost me, he had discarded that dress because it would be too painful if he ever saw it again.

I was kind of offended at that, honestly. It was as though he was trying to forget me. Which I guess is what would happen. I never made an attempt to forget him (or move on, I knew now) but I had planned to let nature take its course. Knowing that he didn't want to remember me hurt.

Then the TARDIS led me to my old room. It had been kept exactly the way it was left, oh so long ago. The clothes that had been forgotten still laid everywhere, and I had my pictures from our adventures on my dresser. My bed was still unmade and I sat down on it. I could still smell my shampoo on my pillow. I smiled at the mess.

And then my eyes fell on something foreign. On the bedside table there was a vase with a single rose in it. I sucked in a breath. It was an everlasting rose, meaning it would always bloom. There was an engraving on the vase too. It was written in Gallifreyan but the TARDIS actually translated it.

"My everlasting rose."

I stuck my nose in the petals. It smelled divine. Placing it back in the vase, I looked around one more time. Here, I thought he was trying to forget me, but he wasn't. He had kept my room as it had always been. That told me a lot.

Now, he had stopped visiting it, but that was natural. The TARDIS told me that for two months after I left the first time, he visited my room every night and wept. Then one day, he stopped coming. Two months after that, he placed the vase and the rose in the room and left it, locking the door so no one else could access it. As though he was shutting off memories.

I knew he had other companions travel with him. There was Donna Noble and that Earth's version of Martha Jones. He had told me that Martha had wanted into my room because it was bigger than hers. But he refused access to everyone. Martha broke in one day, though. She endured the fury of a Time Lord then.

I told him it wasn't that big of a deal but he said it was. Not only had she deliberately disobeyed, but that room was for me and he didn't want anyone else sullying it. It was too sacred, even for him. At that point, I knew why he had stopped coming. _It was too sacred._ He felt unworthy to be in it.

_I felt unworthy to love you, Rose. I always thought of you as a goddess._

Snapping out of my memories, I placed my now-cold tea in the sink and headed upstairs. I had decided to do some more sketching. Pulling out my pad, I began drawing him. I could draw him without even looking, I knew his face so well. I shaded in his hair, making sure to draw spikes in it as it stood up everywhere, and added some shadows to his nose. I sketched further down and added his neck, his kissable neck, and even included a little mark there. The mark I had left him. I smirked at that.

As I had lost myself in my sketching again, I was again surprised to see words at the bottom of my page. Once again, these did not make any sense. I was about to erase it when my cell phone rang. It was this Earth's Martha.

"Hey," I said, pushing the notebook aside.

"I have exciting news to share, but not over the phone," she said. "Can you come by for dinner tomorrow night?"

I nodded as though she could see me. Then I rolled my eyes at that. "Sure. It will just be me, though. The Doctor's off on a mission."

She was quiet for a moment. "Do you believe him?"

"I have no choice," I said with a sigh. "I basically have to."

"Can I be frank?"

I chuckled. "Of course."

"I believe, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that he loves you. I think he will come back. I think he's trying very hard to make amends. He feels guilty, that much is certain. And I think he's afraid that at any moment, you're going to disappear. I think he does these little trips and stuff to tidy up business and ensure your safety."

I nodded again. "I agree, Martha."

"Right, so dinner, tomorrow night. I'll text the time."

We said our goodbyes and I decided to make a light supper. I left my room, completely forgetting my notebook and the words that had somehow mysteriously appeared. I could ask him about it another day, anyway.

_He will knock four times._

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, spooky! Any thoughts on what's going to happen?


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, as always, to everyone reading and following this story. We are nearing the end.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.

_Six months_.

Six months had passed since the Doctor left. I know for him, it was probably only a day but not so for us mere mortals. He said he would come back this time. I did believe him but every day seemed to drag on to another.

My dreams started again. Some were nightmares of the rape, others were odd. Like they were messages or something. Some were subtle, some were bold. One dream saw a bow-tied man flying the TARDIS. Another saw my Doctor, with his beautiful, crazy hair, trapped in a glass case, clearly in pain, while an elderly man watched. I didn't know what happened, but I woke up from the dream screaming "help him!" I had been sweating and tears were streaming down my face.

The sonic screwdriver didn't help. It would turn on, but usually just flickered. I had no way to contact the Doctor and was worried.

More than that, I was pissed. I felt like he betrayed me, again. I finally opened up my shattered self, trusted someone after the rape, and was destroyed again. How could I have been so stupid?

_Because I'm still in love with him._

I rolled my eyes and pulled my scarf closer around my neck. It was February now. The Doctor had missed Christmas and the New Year and everything. My favorite holiday. Although fall was my favorite season, Christmas was tops for me. I loved everything about it. And he wasn't here to share it. Again.

Of course, he had dominated my thoughts. My mind went back to that Christmas when we stood outside at Powell Estate, him in his new regenerated body. He held out his hand and wiggled his fingers at me and I took it. That was when I had accepted him as the Doctor.

" _I thought…since you've changed…you might not want me anymore."_

" _No, I'd love for you to come."_

" _Okay!"_

But of course, that was eons ago.

I had received a gift from him, though at Christmas. It was odd, but sweet. It was a beautiful necklace, the jewel of TARDIS blue. It hung perfectly around my neck and I wore it every day. I felt like it was my only connection to the Doctor. So he couldn't be here with me, but still let me know he was thinking of me.

Stopping in my favorite café, I ordered my usual coffee. Standing off to the side as it was being made, I noticed the usual crowd.

And a man with a bow tie.

_Strange,_ I thought. _He looks like the man in my dream._

The bow-tied man continued to fiddle with a device that I couldn't recognize. It looked almost alien. I swore I saw the Gallifreyan circles on it. I sucked in a breath.

_It couldn't be!_

Slowly I approached the table. He looked up and his green eyes grew wide. They held mine in an intense gaze.

"Hello," I said softly.

"Hello," he replied with a small smile. His hands were fidgeting.

"What are you…."

My name was called then and I turned to get my coffee. As I headed out, I glanced back at him. He was watching me intently.

Hurrying my step a bit, I walked the short distance to my house. Stepping inside, I locked the door and went to the kitchen. I shrugged off my coat and opened up my laptop. Then I heard a noise.

I froze.

Footsteps coming downstairs. I knew I should hide, but I was frozen in my spot.

The Doctor came into view.

Relief washed over me as I smiled. He looked relieved too and I ran into his arms. He hugged me fiercely, picking me up and spinning me around. Then he kissed me.

This was no ordinary kiss. It was intense and passionate and desperate. It felt like he thought he would never see me again. Which I felt was true. I gave as good as I got, clinging to him as our foreheads met.

"Rose," he breathed out.

"Where have you been?" I asked as I slapped his forearm.

"Long story," he said, placing a kiss against my forehead. "I'm tired and hungry. I fought a hard battle. I would like to just curl up with my girl, make love to her about eight times, and rest."

This actually scared me. He never talked like this.

"Sure."

He kissed me again, gentler this time. "Sorry I scared you by just barging in." He was trembling.

"Go lie down on the couch," I said. "I just bought a coffee but I'll make tea and we can relax with movies."

He nodded and kissed my hand. I smiled.

When I went into the living room, he was lying on the couch with his eyes closed. It was then I noticed he had some bruising on his face. His jacket was torn and he was without a tie. He had removed his trainers and laid with socked feet. His right hand had scrapes at the knuckles. He looked like he _had_ fought a battle.

I placed the tea down and asked "what happened?"

He was quiet, I thought he wasn't going to answer me. I turned to the telly when he spoke.

"I had to battle some demons, some from Gallifrey. They're gone now."

I looked at him. "I thought Gallifrey was gone."

"Long story."

And with that, he closed off that part of him.

He moved his legs and gestured for me to sit down. He pulled me to him and held me close, so impossibly close. His breathed in my hair. His breath was ragged. I could feel his heartbeats; they were erratic.

"I was worried I wasn't returning to you," he whispered. "But I love you too much to let you go again."

I shivered at his confession. I pulled back a bit so I could kiss him. What started off chaste soon became heated. Next thing I knew, I was under him on the couch as he hitched my leg and wrapped it around him. I could feel his hardness by my center and I moved against him to cause some friction.

He stopped kissing my neck and growled. "Rose," he warned. I giggled. Then he looked back at me. His eyes were so full of love.

"I missed you," I said. "Six months here. You missed Christmas, you missed everything. I know you said you were coming back but every day I lost some hope."

His eyes dropped to my necklace. He fingered it gently, a scowl on his face.

"What?"

"I had planned to be here for Christmas. I was going to give this to you then. But I'm glad to see you received it." His voice was flat, as though there was something else going on.

"I love it, it's beautiful." I kissed his nose. "Thank you."

He smiled softly and pressed a gentle kiss on my lips as he lowered his left hand and gently massaged my right breast. He gave a little squeeze and I shivered.

"I'm sorry I missed your favorite holiday. I'm so, so sorry. I know for me it has only been a few days. A few long, harrowing days. But I promise you, I'm here now." His left hand left my breast and began tracing my lips. I kissed his fingers one by one.

"You are so beautiful," he said softly. "And you have a beautiful mouth too. I have always been attracted to those full lips."

I giggled. "Really?"

He nodded. "Even more so lately." He removed his hand.

"Why?"

He brought his lips to my ear and whispered. "I've come in that mouth."

Pulling back, he had a wicked glint in his eye.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Well I think that might be a challenge."

"I think so too."

Then he attacked my lips again.

There was a puddle of clothes on the floor and a lot of moaning and grunting not long after that. It felt so right to be reconnected to him. I was slightly surprised he was so interested in having sex, but I guess now that that has been added to our relationship, it should be par for course.

It had been difficult maneuvering on a couch, but we made it work. The close proximity actually added to the heat between us. He pushed harder in me as he found a new way to make me scream. His control had slipped a bit as he thrusted harder inside me than he ever had before and I was hoping there was more of that later.

_I like primal Doctor._

Laying in his arms afterwards, I remembered something.

"I had a dream."

He breathed out, telling me to continue.

"Someone else was flying the TARDIS. A man wearing a bow tie. Strange looking fellow. I couldn't tell where he was going, but he seemed dead-set on a destination. I saw that same man in the café today."

He froze. The sudden stop of movement had me rise up on my elbow and look at him.

"Doctor?"

Fear was in his eyes. He had started trembling and his left hand cupped my cheek.

"Did you speak to him?" he asked quietly.

"Briefly," I said. "I saw he was working on some sort of alien device and I was in the process of asking him about it when my coffee was called."

He continued to look at me.

"Who is he, Doctor? Another Time Lord?"

"You could say that."

His thumb brushed across my cheek. Fear was present in his eyes.

"Doctor, why are you frightened?"

He sighed. He pulled me to him and kissed me again. I allowed it for a moment, then broke it.

"You're not getting out of this by snogging me silly, no matter how much I want you to."

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. I let him have his time.

"He's me, Rose."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun, dun, dun. Hello, Eleven!
> 
> If you are enjoying my Doctor Who stories, I have a new one up called One Last Day With Your Beloved. It follows the Eleventh Doctor as he decides to relive his time with Rose, but eventually starts interfering. There are also a couple of one-shots (and a two-shot) up and I have some ideas for Halloween and Christmas. As always, feel free to review.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a curveball has been added to the story now, with Eleven making an appearance. Also, sexual situations in this chapter.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.

"What do you mean he's you?" I asked, looking into his eyes.

He sighed. "The battle I was just in. I almost died. He was born but the TARDIS protected me from dying. So now there's two of us."

I stared at him. "You almost _died?"_

He nodded, wincing. Then he stroked my cheek. "I didn't, as you can see." He pulled me in for a kiss.

Breaking it after a few seconds, I pulled back. "What's he doing here?"

"Most likely to see you."

"But…."

The Doctor pulled me into another kiss, holding my head firmly in place. It was clear he didn't want to talk about it, so he distracted me by snogging me. His kiss became harsh, as though he was trying to devour me. His other hand gripped my waist so tightly that a mark would be left, but I didn't care. I kissed him back with everything I had. It felt like he was trying to send me a message somehow.

Reluctantly, I pulled away when I had to breathe. He let me get a mouthful of air, then attacked my lips again. I felt him lift me and position me on top of him, his hardened cock rubbing against my folds. I moaned into his mouth.

"Doctor," I said breathlessly. "Make love to me the way you want to."

He kissed me again. "I thought I already was."

I looked into his eyes. "No, the way _you_ want to. The Time Lord way. The primal way you mentioned."

He looked reluctant. "If I do that, Rose, I can't guarantee you won't get hurt. It will be rough."

I placed my hand in between his hearts. "I trust you."

The Doctor growled and snogged me again, his kiss almost painful because of how hard it was. I rubbed myself against him, causing friction. He hissed.

In the span of a second, he had me in his arms bridal style and was heading for the bedroom. I moaned out "mine" and he placed me on the bed. He ran his hands over my body hungrily.

"I love you," he said as he looked into my eyes intently. "Don't ever doubt that. If I do something that triggers you, triggers a memory, use the word 'ginger' and I will stop. I'm worried this may seem like rape as it does get primal."

I shook my head. "Unlike Sean, you have permission. I know you won't hurt me, Doctor." I placed my hand on his cock and stroked it a few times, earning a hiss from him. "Make Time Lord love to me."

Something flashed in his eyes, but it was gone before I could decipher it. He dove in, claiming me for his own.

It really was rough, but manageable. And it felt _so_ good. He pounded into me in a way he hadn't before. It literally felt like he was trying to slice me in half. My legs were shaking and my voice hoarse from moaning, but I was not about to tell him to stop. And if I got a little injured, so be it. Sex bruises were good bruises.

"Rose," he breathed as he sucked on my left breast. His right hand traced my lips and I bent them so his finger was in my mouth. I began sucking on it, earning a growl from him.

His head snapped to mine as he kissed me. He thrusted into me so hard I saw stars for a moment. I gripped his neck as I felt my orgasm start.

"Doctor," I breathed. "I'm close."

"I'm not."

My eyes widened. Not that I wanted him to stop, I didn't, but knowing more was coming was almost too much. I thought about saying "ginger" but at the same time, there was no way I was going to end this.

_We need to make love like this all the time._

He nipped my neck and that pushed me over the edge. Wave after wave crashed over me as I rode out my orgasm. His thrusting increased even more as he wrapped my already tired legs around him to give him better access. I felt him hit a new spot and I began trembling. I was already starting on my next one.

"You okay?" he whispered, eyes black.

"Yeah," I breathed out, my head thrown back.

"Remember the safe word."

I didn't hear that last part as I came again, longer and stronger than before. He grunted and increased his thrusting.

_I have no idea why I'm not dying, but please don't stop!_

This was unlike anything I had ever experienced.

His breathing changed, I knew he was getting close now. I squeezed my legs around his waist and reached a hand down to cup his balls. He jerked into me hard, startled by the motion.

"Rose," he hissed as he tensed up. I continued to massage him and pressed a kiss to his lips.

Groaning, he found his release, spilling into me. But this orgasm was unlike the previous ones too. It continued. His thrusts sped up during the climax and he kissed me back with abandon, as his seed spurted out multiple times. Finally he stilled, collapsing on top of me.

I ran my hands through his hair as he tried to control his breathing. I was already aching a bit but was not upset in any way.

He raised his head to look at me. "You okay?"

I nodded. "I want to do that again."

He stared at me. "Seriously? I didn't turn you off from it?"

"Why would you?"

He lifted himself up and kissed my neck. "Because of how rough it is. Humans aren't supposed to be able to endure it."

I ran my hand down his back. "It was fine. A little painful, but nothing we can't work on."

He looked into my eyes, seeing nothing but the truth. He smiled.

"I love you so much."

I smiled. "I know."

He pulled out and then pulled me against him, both of us trying to regulate our breathing. I traced circles on his chest as he kissed the top of my head.

"I don't deserve you, Rose."

I sighed. "I don't deserve you. I'm damaged goods. You would be in the right to not want to have anything to do with me now that I've been raped. Sullied by another man. I don't understand why you want to do this." I gestured down.

He squeezed me tighter. "Because I love you. I don't see you as damaged goods. I see a strong, beautiful woman who had to endure one of the most traumatic experiences of her life. The fact that you can allow me to make love to you shows how strong you are. I am the honored one."

"I know you would never hurt me."

The Doctor breathed out. "I never intend to."

We laid quietly for a while. I dozed off to sleep. It was dreamless, which was fine. I was wrapped in the arms of the man I loved so nothing haunted me.

The Doctor slept too. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest as I slept.

Cracking my eyes open, I saw the light was fading. It had to be around four in the afternoon. My stomach growled, I hadn't eaten anything all day.

I felt him chuckle under my head. "Looks like we need to get you food."

"Aren't you hungry?"

"Yes now that you mention it."

I pulled away and kissed him quickly on the lips. "Let's order pizza and watch a movie."

He nodded. "And I meant that eight times remark. I'm not through with you yet," he said with a wicked gleam in his eye. I giggled.

"Good."

We changed into robes and went downstairs. I ordered pizza while he fiddled with his screwdriver. Sitting next to him, I wrapped a blanket around us. We sat silently, just enjoying the company.

I never wanted it to end.

But unfortunately, the stars were about to throw in another curveball.

We chatted and snogged the rest of the evening, before retiring to bed. He held me tightly against him as we both slept. I could feel him trembling and ran my hand over his arm to reassure him that I was there. His breathing changed and he calmed down.

The bow-tied man flashed in my head as I dreamt. It was odd, because I was dreaming of being on the beach in Norway, the same beach that the Doctor had dropped me off at twice. The man was some distance away, just watching me as I stared out at the ocean. I turned to face him as I heard a knocking in my head. A distinct rhythm.

Four times.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.

"Your song is ending, Doctor" he said, staring at the Doctor sadly.

"NO!" I shouted and ran towards him.

The Doctor looked at the bow-tied man and then at me as I reached him. We were in the TARDIS, the Doctor lying on the grating and the bow-tied Doctor standing behind me to my right. I looked up at him.

"Please, isn't there anything you can do?"

"I can't."

"Rose," the Doctor breathed out. I looked back down at him. "It's time."

I shook my head. "No, it can't be. I just got you back." Tears began falling from my cheek.

The Doctor raised a hand and wiped them away. "I'm still here," he said, glancing at the man behind me. "Just in different form."

"He's not you."

"He needs you. That's very me."

I shook my head, choking out a sob.

My Doctor looked back at me. "He _is_ me," he continued. "He's a Time Lord, he has two hearts. He has the same memories, same feelings. He may look different, wear weird bow ties…."

"Oi!" the other man said. My Doctor smirked.

"…but he _is_ me. And like me, he loves you more than anything in all the universe. That's why he's here."

I looked back at the other Doctor. His eyes shone love. "Why didn't you approach me then?"

He sighed. "I knew he had returned to you, I followed him. I wanted to give him time to say a proper goodbye. I didn't think that he had the strength to shag you into oblivion," he said glaring at my Doctor.

He smirked.

I gasped. "Same person, remember?" the Doctor said. I glanced back down at him.

"I don't get it, what happened?" I asked, looking from him to the bow-tied one.

He was silent for a few moments. So was the other one. I took my Doctor's hand and waited for him to speak.

"I absorbed radiation. I stepped into a glass room to save a man, Donna Noble's grandfather actually, and absorbed it. Over 100,000 watts. It had gone critical. It would kill a human instantly. Why I wasn't dead, I don't know. But I made it back to the TARDIS. The regeneration started and he was born from me. But I knew I couldn't die until I had said goodbye to you. So I fought it and it split, leaving him and me. But I was weakened. And since there really can't be two Time Lords, it gave me enough strength to find you so I could say goodbye."

I shook my head. "But you had plenty of strength to…you know." A blush creeped across my cheeks. He chuckled.

"A Time Lord's strength is much more than a human's. You wouldn't have seen that I was weakened. Plus, I was fighting the radiation so I could give you what you wanted." He stroked my cheek and looked into my eyes. "What we _both_ wanted."

Tears filled my eyes. "And now you're leaving me. _Again._ "

He sighed. "This form is. But I am not. I am behind you. Full strength, full memories, full of love for you. He is me. He is feeling this pain too. Embrace him. Love him."

I turned my head and looked at the one hovering above me. "If you are him, answer me this. What was the safe word that we used when we made Time Lord love?"

"Ginger," he replied immediately.

_Damn._

"What was the _first_ word you said to me, all those years ago?"

He smiled, looking directly in my eyes. His green eyes sparkled. "Run."

_Double damn._

He spoke again. "I know it will take you time to adjust to the new me." He glanced down at the Doctor below me, who was fighting for breath. "Just as it took you time to adjust to him after my leather-clad self died. But I promise you Rose, it is me. I _am_ the Doctor. And I am here. I love you with both of my hearts. I will _never_ leave you. If I regenerate again, the new face will still love you. That won't ever change."

I believed him.

His eyes were beautiful. His chin jutted out a bit, but I could see myself kissing it. His clothing was a stark contrast to my Doctor and I would miss the Converse, but I could learn to love the bow tie. And he still had hair I could run my hands through, though not as great as the dying one. It seemed to be a trade-off.

"So different," I said as my mind flashed to New New York.

"New new Doctor," the stronger one replied. Then he smiled at me, remembering the last time he uttered those words.

_He really is still MY Doctor._

The Doctor below me groaned. I whipped my head back to him. I brought a hand to his cheek and he reached up to touch it.

"There isn't much time left, Rose. The rest of the radiation is taking over. I have already regenerated," he threw a glance at the other one before continuing. "This body will die."

Fresh tears sprung to my eyes and I let them fall. I leaned forward and kissed the Doctor, silently pleading with him to not leave me. He kissed me back with a strength I didn't know he had. The kiss was fervent, and long and definitely a goodbye.

"I was born from love," he said as he looked into my eyes. I ran my hands through his hair. He groaned at the sensation. "My previous self loved you so much that he died for you and I was born loving you. So was he. He bears the pain that I bared after losing you, twice. You accepted me and I know you'll accept him. That's who you are, Rose Tyler. You are strength and warmth and kindness and love. That is the woman I fell in love with."

One of my tears dropped to his chest, another to his cheek. He didn't wipe away, just closed his eyes for a moment as he drew in a ragged breath. A heard a slight shift behind me but I didn't look back. Couldn't look back.

"I have to go, Rose. There can't be two Time Lords for long; I have already pushed the boundaries of time and space by my refusing to leave before I could see you. I'm not afraid, you're here with me. And I'm with you. I won't be in this body anymore but I will always be by your side. I love you, Rose Tyler. From the moment we met, you had my hearts. You loved me when I couldn't love myself. You loved the beast and made him better. You changed me, softened me. I never thought I would meet someone like you. But when I held your hand that very first time, I knew. I fought against anything more because I didn't want to deal with the pain of losing you, but I did anyway. And I realize I was foolish. A coward every time. I am not a coward now."

More tears slid down my cheek. He drew in another ragged breath, bringing his hand up to cup my cheek. "You will always be with me, no matter what form. You are the Bad Wolf. You protect me and guide me. Love him," he said glancing behind me. "He is me."

He slowly brought my lips to his and kissed me softly. I kissed him back, staining his cheeks with my tears. Our kiss lasted a few more seconds before the pressure stopped. I pulled back and saw he wasn't moving, wasn't breathing.

My Time Lord was dead.

I heard what sounded like glass breaking, yet I knew there was none around.

Letting out a loud sob, I wept over him. I felt a tentative hand on my back as the Doctor lightly consoled me. He knew I needed some time but was telling me he was there. I hugged the Doctor below me.

"I love you," I whispered.

When I felt that I had no more tears to shed, I stood up slowly. I backed away as the bow-tied one stepped forward, sonic screwdriver in his hand, aiming it at the body. He pressed a button and I saw my Doctor slowly fade away. He turned to me, tears in his eyes. He had been affected too.

Without a word, he wrapped his arms around me and held me. I wept a little more, not realizing that I had any more to shed, while he stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. The TARDIS hummed sadly, she missed him too.

After a while, I pulled back. This Doctor even smelled different. He kept his hands at my shoulders and looked into my eyes. I saw hesitation and worry. I smiled and brought a hand up to stroke his cheek.

He leaned into my touch.

"It will take some getting used to," I said. "But I believe you're my Doctor."

Dropping his hands from my shoulders, he took my hands in his. "I am, Rose Tyler. I won't push you for anything. If you want me to leave, I will." His voice was quiet as he said that, eyes filled with fear.

I shook my head. A small smile developed on his face.

"Good, cause I didn't want to leave."

I squeezed his hands. "Just give me some time, Doctor, like you did before. I knew the other you longer so it will take a little longer to get used to you. But I'm already growing fond of the bow tie."

He touched the bow tie with his hand. "Bow ties are cool."

I smiled. "If you say so."

His hand cupped my cheek. "May I push a little? I would like to kiss you in this new body."

I hesitated, just for a second, before I acquiesced. He leaned forward slowly, giving me time in case I wanted to change my mind. Then he pressed his lips to mine.

It was my Doctor. The same feeling I always had around him flowed, and increased slightly if that was possible. I moved my hands to the back of his neck as he pulled me against him. I tilted my head slightly and he asked for permission into my mouth with his tongue. I granted it and finally tasted this new Doctor.

_Cinnamon_.

I realized the shattering noise I heard earlier was my heart breaking. Again. And slowly, as always, the Doctor was putting it back together. This Rose was shattered once more, and he was always there to pick up the pieces.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back around chapter 8, I used the New Year's scene from End of Time as a flashback for Rose. I didn't realize it at the time, but this story was evolving into something different than what I had intended. It was basically writing itself. The same thing happened with chapter 12, when she dreamt about hearing a beat of 4 times. I realized after that that Ten had to unfortunately die and Eleven emerge. That was not the original direction of the story but that is how it played out. I am sorry to those who are upset.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are still reading, thank you.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who.

Six months had passed since the Doctor died and the new one took his place. We had fallen back to our normal selves easily. I honestly didn't think I would accept him as readily as I did. But his reassurance that he was the same Doctor helped me heal.

As promised, he didn't push me. Although I had made love to the previous body, this Doctor had not pushed for more. I was planning on giving myself to him soon, but I just wasn't at that stage. He understood, happy with snogging.

His personality was different. He was a little darker than the previous one, more like the first Doctor I met. But he also was more manic. He loved taking me on adventures as the Doctor before, but always checked to see if I was alright. He seemed to know when I was missing my Converse-clad Doctor and would give me space until I was ready to face the bow tie.

Even Mickey and Martha commented on it. The look on Martha's face was priceless when she realized that the Doctor could change his face. She had a hard time believing it at first, as I did, but he proved it by saying he was in the courtroom that day. He even showed up wearing that same blue suit!

" _You actually decided to forgo the bow tie?" I asked._

_He waggled his eyebrows at me. "Only this once," he said with a smile._

Mickey still didn't trust him, but that was okay. I didn't need his approval. My bow-tied Doctor still treated me the same as the previous one and Mickey saw that. During the summer, the four of us went on a picnic and we found a little spot to snog. Mickey observed us (I found out later) and said he could tell by the way the Doctor acted that he was still my Doctor.

And mum had to initiate him by welcoming him with a slap. He took it graciously and promised her that he loved me and was here to stay. That seemed to placate her. At least this time she didn't proposition him.

It was now August. I was excited for the fall so that the Doctor could finally join me for my favorite holiday. We still traveled but he seemed more content staying home with me. Which was odd since he said he didn't do domestic. He really had changed.

The TARDIS still acted the same as always and for that, I was glad. The interior may have changed to suit this new one, but she was still the same sentient being that I loved. One thing she did do, however, was move my stuff to the Doctor's room and eliminate mine. I guess she realized now that we were together, there was no need to sleep apart.

One morning, I awoke slowly on the TARDIS with him lying next to me. He hummed to tell me he was awake and I turned to him.

"Morning," he said with a smile. I smiled back.

"What's the plan today?"

He shrugged. "I didn't really have one."

I feigned shock. "You?"

He laughed and pressed a kiss to my nose. "Yeah I know. But honestly, I wanted to spend time with you, just you. We've been so busy the last six months that I wanted some time alone."

"Hmmm, that sounds nice."

He made a move like he was going to leave the bed but I stopped him. I pulled him to me and snogged him thoroughly. His hands immediately went to my hair and he growled a few times as he pressed himself against me.

_Still steel hard._

I rubbed myself against him and he pulled back, looking at me.

"I'm not pushing," he said.

I nodded. "I know. But I can tease," I smiled with my tongue in my teeth.

His eyes glanced at it and back up at me. "That still gets me every time."

And then he attacked my mouth again.

About an hour later, we emerged from the bedroom. We headed to the library and he grabbed a book and then turned to face me.

"I know that I've taught you Gallifreyan before, but how would you like to know more about the history?"

I nodded eagerly. He had told me a lot already. I knew about his family and the Time War. I knew what he had to do and didn't blame him for destroying his planet.

He sat next to me and opened to a worn page. "This is when the high council voted me as president."

I raised an eyebrow. "I never knew that."

He sighed. "I know. I'm sorry that I kept you at arm's length for so long." He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close to him. "This new new Doctor fully accepts our relationship as it is."

I smiled and snuggled closer.

A part of me thought I should feel guilty, like I was cheating on the previous Doctor. But I didn't. It _was_ the same man. He may wear a different face, but he was still my Doctor. The one who grabbed my hand and told me to "run." The one who burned up a sun to say goodbye. My hand still fit perfectly in his. No matter how many incarnations he went through, he would still always be my Doctor.

He had managed to heal me, in more ways than one. I thought I was completely beyond repair after the rape. Hell, I had tried to kill myself that day. What I would have missed! I am glad the Doctor came back to find me. We may have been rocky for a little bit, but I had a feeling we were going to be okay from now on.

Placing a kiss on his cheek, I snuggled closer to him. He read me some more of the Gallifreyan history and I absorbed it all, asking questions at the right time and holding his hand when he became sad.

After a short silence, he turned to me. He had a question in his green eyes and I waited for him to ask. I knew that he could sometimes still be scared.

"How long are you going to stay with me?"

I smiled, remembering the last time he asked me that. He smiled back, remembering too. I gave him the only answer I could.

"Forever."

And forever is how long true love lasts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do plan to make it up to Ten by writing a few more stories starring him (in which he will not die). Ten is my favorite Doctor. If you read this all the way to the end, thank you. I hope you were not too disappointed in the ending. Rose did get her HEA, just with a man who wears a different face.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah. Poor Rose. She is going to have a rough time of it in the next few chapters. The Doctor won't make an appearance right away, but there are hints of him throughout the next few chapters. Thanks for reading.


End file.
